Camera Phone

You know how camera phones are really becoming super awesome and fast at taking you picture in rapid fire? You can actually see reactions in frame-by-frame clarity. The sharpness, the joy, the excitement.

Then, there is me.

May you frame-by-frames be great.

Feeling in my Gut: Part 2

It's always good to have friends who understand the importance of poopz. You might remember this from Feeling in my Gut.

YES. After about the fourth day of medication, I began to produce normal poops. Let's all hear it for normal poops! Waking up every couple hours to empty out some diarrhea - you know, that magical point where you are like, "How much more stuff can be in me?"

I think questions like that are a sign of adulthood. 

The whole course of medication is 30 days. I am super tempted to stop at 15 days and hoard this medication if I get another infection. This is my second in about two years, so, would cut down on my medical costs. I have another type of the same medication. Hmm. 

Anyhow, I haven't had any pain in my side or back. I have been a little more tired than normal which I think can be expected. 

So, time to start eating again! Bike training is coming up and I need to be able to consume enough calories for that. 

So far, I have eaten the following without any issues:

• Mango slices
• Banana ice cream
• Rainbow sprinkles (you need these, sometimes)
• Coconut milk ice cream
• Rice pasta
• Grape tomatoes
• Basil
• Spring mix
• Sticky rice
• Orange
• Blackberries
• Chicken
• Shrimp
• Red peppers

Life. Is. Good.

Things I Eat: Hamburgers!

That's right. Time for some beef!

Did you know a lot of people do NOT know how to MAKE hamburgers at home? They buy frozen hamburger or pre-made patties. OR they go to a fast-food place? What ever happened to treating yourself to a gourmet burger right in your own home? Without pants. And a cockatil.

The husband and I celebrated 6 months of marriage - and by celebrated, he did all the work. He made me a two potatoes worth of sweet potato fries and I ate the whole plate all by myself. He also got ground beef, but, neither of us were that hungry to make burgers.

NEXT DAY!

I made burgers!

What You Need

• 2 lbs of ground beef: Beef, beef, beef, beef!
• Peppers: I had yellow, orange and red. I used about 1/2 a cup of the mix, because it's what I had.
• Onions: Just a sweet onion. Sweet. sweet, onion! About 1/2 a cup.
• Paprika: This is the best thing ever! I used like a tablespoon.
• Garlic: I used Squeeze Minced Garlic because it appeared to be vegan. I used about 2 tablespoons - about three glopes. 
• Thyme: I got more than thyme, baby! About 1 teaspoon.
• Onion Powder: Just a bit.
• Parsley: I had fresh Italian parsley - which is fantastic!
• Spinach: Optional, but, strongly encouraged. 
• Hamburger rolls: I like the thin ones? I don't eat them.
• Fixin's: You know, condiments (which I don't eat) or salad.

If you want, make some fries. I made sweet potato and Russet potato fries. You will have to estaimate how much you want. I used one large sweet potato and like. . .you know. .a couple Russet ones. 

What You Do

Hamburgers are made with love - real ones are. Love is getting your hands dirty. DIRTY! So, dump your ground beef into a bowl and then throw everything in. That's really it. 

I meant EVERYTHING! Amounts? Ok, it's really up to your tastes. You could really season it anyway you want. You can throw in taco seasoning or BBQ seasoning. You can throw in whatever goodness you want - I liked thyme, paprika and garlic, mostly. I also like to have chunks of onion and chunks of colorful peppers.

I also like fresh spinach and parsley. Add more green for. .you know. .more green.

Then you just roll 'em into balls and then flatten them out. I made about nine patties. It was a good time. I put them into the fridge and didn't take a picture because I was tired of washing my hands. 

Then I cut up the potato and found we were out of olive oil.

For the Russet potatoes, I cup them up and used garlic olive oil. I added a little layer of onions, too, because who doesn't love onions?

For the sweet potato, I cut them very, very thin which is the only way you can even hope to get them crunchy. I used the last of the olive oil and a little salt on them. And ate some. Just some. 

The potatoes, I cooked them for about 20 minutes at 400.

The burger - get this OVEN! Yep, in the oven with the fries. I cooked them with the potatoes for 20 minutes. I turned them at 10 minutes. You could pan-fry or throw them on the grill. I don't have a grill and I didn't want to pan fry because I have a smoke detector that is dying to go off at any notice. 

Everything turned out great! Here is me getting a plate!

And then I tried to be artistic. I also put some garlic on top of mine and put the burger on a bed of spring mix. 

These were so good. Just the right amount of meat and my sweet potatoes even got crunchy because I cut them nice and thin. This is actually a very healthy situation - and when it comes to allergies, not a problem! You don't need to use breadcrumbs or eggs or any of that stuff. Just keep it pure.

Nail(ed) To the Couch: Nude Discovery

I went for a manicure and pedicure because. . .I don't need to justify my life choices to you.

I have been in search of a nude shade. While I love myself some red polish (blue red) and colors, I also like a nice nude. I had been doing a lot of deeper colors so I wanted to do something nude. Not pinks, which I tend to do. But I am horrible at picking out nude shades. Or - really any color.

Anyhow, I think I found a winner! Don't Pretzel My Buttons - which is part of the Germany collection by OPI. The name makes no sense to me, Don't pretzel my buttons? Like, take them and twist them and deep fry them? How is any part of that intictin. Whatever, I got this killer manicure going on - which I needed since I removed my own gel polish but got impatient and didn't soak it long enough and. . .I totally damaged my nails.

Victory! Now I have two nudes I like - both by OPI, actually. Samoan Sand (featured in my Me-icure post) which I prefer in the gel form, otherwise it's too light for me. And now this for a normal manicure

And my toes are yellow (thanks to Color Club's Almost Famous - and, let's face it, toes are just a staging ground for what I'm going to put on my fingers.

Feeling in my Gut

As I wrote on Friday, eating had become a bit of a struggle. Bummer. 

Soap Box

Gross? Probably. But, I feel like it's my job to remove some stigma from digestive issues. What I go through is what a lot of people go through but we can't or won't talk about it because it's "gross." 

Well, it should be talked about and understood.

The Gross Part

Let's get all caught up, shall we? 

About a four weeks ago, I had a bit of heartburn or something. It turned into raging reflux – RAGING REFLUX – where I could feel the back of my throat burning and could rub the spot with my tongue. Ouch.

I felt a lot of pressure at the top of my stomach – the same thing I had when my ulcer was healing. Ok, assumed ulcer. Not like I got antibiotics for it, I got “keep a stiff upper lip and some Pepcid.” Ulcers are caused mostly by bacteria coming up the track.

Then I had horrible pain in my right side. I normally have pressure there, up against my ribs. This was pretty bad. Then my entire colon exploded.

Ok, not really. It felt like it, though. And let’s be specific here, ok. SPECIFIC. Because the next time someone is like, “Oh, upset tummy?” I want you to point them to this.

I had liquid diarrhea for three days. Then constipation – you know, fecal impacted poops. Nothing was moving. With this, however, comes the colon trying to move things and it sort of feels like your colon just exploded. Forget any urge to poop, it’s just horrible, gut-curling pain.

Oh, is that your tummy rumbling? Giggle.

Nope, that’s type one on the Bristol Stool Chart trying to get the @#$ out. What does type 1 do? Well, it’s little pellet poops, like rabbit poops.

Doctor Rant - Again

I have really been not going to my special doctor – the one who makes you take supplements – because I get a lot of inadvertent pressure to go to “real” doctors.

Just to note, my doctor also prescripts drugs but he is holistic in his approach and examines test results, diet, past traumas, all that.  

The concept was I should see a Gastroenterologist (GI) which I put off like the plague - like I do for all doctor visits. 

I don’t like doctors because they tell me to just wait and see if everything gets better. They tend to dismiss those pesky 15 years of my life. They like to tell me I’m pretty and maybe I need to relax. Maybe I just need to take an Advil. They like to make me hunt them down for results of tests and tell me, “everything is fine” and try to make it ok for me to live in misery. The bloating isn't real, they say, it’s just my poor body image. The diarrhea, well, it can’t be that bad. Lyme? Oh, everyone gets that, no big deal. I once even had a doctor who told me the brutal tests he could put me through if I really thought I had a problem.

The Results

I went back to the doctor who isn't a specialist. I actually really went back to him because I was getting some thrush symptoms.

Guess who has an awesome fungal gut infection? 

This girl! 

It causes ulcers, bad acid stuff, bloating, diarrhea, constipation, lack of appetite. . .I mentioned my weight loss but he pointed out I only lost about 9lbs since my last visit in December. 

I got medication and things are already starting to get . . .better? Let’s just say, killing off a colony of anything in your insides is not a pleasant event. He also gave me some supplements to help repair the damage and sooth my inners.

He was also pretty concerned about the liver situation (check out Don’t WebMD That: Part 2) and I would have brought my labs but I couldn't find them and/or gave up on life. I will be getting him a copy – it was nice that he brought up my last blood test he took to show me nothing had been out of short but the liver doesn't just become inflamed. He wants to know why. The other doctor shut me up by scheduling a follow-up ultrasound.

So, I’m just avoiding being dehydrated and fending off being exhausted. And really wondering why we have Scott Toilet Paper‎ and not Charmin. Or that Quilted Northern stuff. SERIOUSLY.

Conclusion

And, yes, this is why I don’t eat a lot of food offered to me. I don’t know what’s in it and this could be the result. 

Eating - Why I'm Not. . .?

Sometimes people say they wish they had my food issues so they could lose weight.

And never have body issues, body images, eating and nutrition been made so utterly clear.

You are wrong.

If you ever say, "I wish I had a medical condition so I could lose weight" you are wrong.

You are wrong as a person and you have advanced society in the wrong direction as part of a culture. You are wrong.

You are, in one statement, in the view of yourself, your accountability to yourself, your place in the universe and you are being a royal suck-ranch to someone like me who struggles - STRUGGLES- with the most mundane task as eating. You negate both the person with the condition and yourself into nothing.

You. Are. Wrong.

Apologize to yourself, to the person who you dared to say this to and maybe even society as a whole.

And don't ****ing ever say it again.

Past
Over the last few months, my calorie intake has really dwindled while my digestive problems have increesed. I have no hunger function but I do have a lot of colon issues.

I had a good three days of liquid ass, you know, diarrhea. Then it was followed up by rabbit-poops. The hard little balls that state you have issues. Ever hear of the Bristol Stool Scale?

So, I live between burning liquid ass and hard, hemorrhoid causing rabbit-poops. Go. Me. I think I started to get worried when I could see my hip-bones and rib-bones sticking out of my skin.

Now
I have been working hard to eat. As someone who generally eats a raw vegan diet - with meat! - I have a feeling I have more of an IBS issue that needs to be worked out rather than a bad diet.

I have started doing something I never wanted to do - forcing myself to eat. Even if I have to have the food in front of me all day!



I feel like this was a good days work. And I love berries!

I should be getting back to using my NutriBullet and smoothies, but, it's been. . .hard. I did make up some lo mein, which is a favoirte of mine. I loaded it with tons of veggies.

And by ton - I mean like, a lot. I think I should go to the doctor. . .

 

Foxy Mug - The Best of Amazon Haul

I think I would get more attention if I called this an "Amazon Haul." Hauls are all the rage right now. People do yard sale hauls and makeup hauls and. . well, you get the idea. 

I ordered this awesome mug from Amazon dot com after seeing it on my Polyvore app thing when I was doing this thing. . wait. .never mind. I bought this on Amazon -  that's a better sentence!

It's the Foxy Tail Mug and it is holding my coffee very nicely!

I would like to point out this is totally a left-handed mug if you want the face to face away from you. Maybe you want it to face you, I don't know. I feel like the face should be looking out at people.

Which bring me to a totally unrelated but weird conversation I had. Since I work in a corporate office, I brought in this Velcro catch thing - you have two paddled that you attach to your hand and then this tennis ball you throw sticks to it. Anyhow, while I was throwing it across a bank of cubes, my coworker is like, "You're left-handed?"

Is this a thing? Like, is this what left-handed people deal with on a daily?

"Are you [dum dumm dummm!] LEFT-HANDED?!"

I don't know how to answer this question, actually. Do I throw with my left-hand? Yes. Do I drive with only my left hand? Yes.

But I write with my right-hand.

Anyhow, I said something like, "Why? And then "I throw with my left-hand" and he kept asking. Like it was weird.

I only write about this because it happens every time I go to chunk stuff. I would never notice what hand someone else's uses.

Yeah. Take that, 5 minutes of your life you won't get back!

Let Training Begin!

The time is now! Training! And with training - pre-training. Because when you are as weird as me - you need to start before you start in order to start. 

Yayha!

Bike

This might be the year I learn how to change my own flat tire. Wouldn't THAT be something? I never was in a situation where I had to do it myself. Awkward.

My bike is actually all set - maybe just needs some tire air. Actually, I could use new tires. Whatever.

Bike is going to be up and ready to go - no problem!

Food

Most critical! How to fuel my body without shutting it down. I wish it was a simple as typing in “vegan” and finding stuff. It’s not. No wheat, no soy – no yeast.

I will have to start eating more than I do. I guess eating one meal a day is out. Bummer.

Most people are told to be concerned with protein. I mean, STFU about protein. I have no problem eating spinach and chicken. And a lot of more sweet potato. Rice is always a winner for me – in grain or noodle form. Beef and seafood, as well. I really am going to eat a lot more veggies, maybe even bring back the smoothie. The problem will be if I am hungry enough to want to eat. I’ll do my best!

You can check out the stuff I'm going to be eating on my Things I Eat page. 

My favorite recovery meal was always Chicken Parmesan – and my husband has created (YES CREATED!) a baked-fried chicken that I can eat. Couple with some rice noodles. Awesome!

I also can work on making my own fast-snacks for my endurance rides. Having something that’s quick and

easy to eat at 10 mile breaks is really key for me. Gotta eat when you are on an endurance ride. The only problem with me making stuff is portion – while calories are mostly a lie, I need to make sure I am taking in a good amount. Relying on something prepackaged means I know how much I am getting.

I am going to give a try to the Vega stuff – I bought the powder a while back to help me get something into my body. Vega makes a line of products. After some careful checking, I can eat the Chocolate Coconut Cashew bars (only one in that line I can eat, actually) which will be great for snacks when I’m booking a good amount of miles. Maybe I’ll even get the husband on them – I don’t know what stuff he eats.

My favorite go-too gel shot for long rides – The Cliff MochaEnergy Gel Shot is totally good to go! I had to do a little research on “Organic Maltodextrin” but it’s a good to go. I mean, I hope they make it from corn, but, it’s processed enough that I shouldn't have to worry too much about it. 

Fun

I have an icon- of course! 

And I am trying to recruit people who want to ride with me - both in keeping up and pushing me, you know? Biking is fun for me - and as I tried to explain without much success - it's my church. I actually feel closer to God when I ride. Weird, maybe. I like.

I also want to get people who want to maybe go in on a couple shirts or something. How awesome would that be? Swag. 

Things I Eat: Random Berry Dessert

I don’t think I’m that complicated. Nor is my food. And my photography skills surely suck.

I did make a rather delightful dessert, however. All vegan. Raw. You know. Good.

You can find recipes like this if you look up vegan desserts – the crust is always made of nuts and honey and the insides soaked cashews and fruit. But, you can sort of do whatever within those bounds. So I did!

What You Need

• Frozen Fruit: I used about a cup of frozen fruit blend I use in my smoothies. You could use fresh stuff. I just thawed mine by throwing it into the soaking cashew bowl. 
• Cashews: I used about a cup, again. These are the most common to use and maybe the most forgiving for insides of a cake. You are going to want to soak them so they get nice and soft. Soak and drain, I might add. 
• Walnuts: About a cup! Any nut blend you want really works. I used walnuts because I had walnuts. 
• Maple syrup: Not just for pancakes! A nice sweetener for all types of things. Just use however much you want - it's all about taste.
• Dates: Also a nice sweetener. I have pre-chopped dates. I soaked them with the cashews and fruit. I’m lazy. I think I used a total of a 1/2 a cup between the filling and crust.
• Coconut oil: ‘cause it was calling to me.And is delicious.

What You Do
Soak the cashews and dates. Optional, thaw your fruit.

Take you walnuts – about a cup – maple syrup and some dates and pulse it in your food processor until it makes a type of dough. Taste it. Add whatever you want to the crush. Ground flax seed, vanilla extract – whatever. Bacon. This is your crust, it should press easily into whatever vessel will house your berry cake. You can see what mine looked like.

Pretty people have spring-loaded pans (is that a real thing?) I have these ramekins (is that what they are
called?) I bought years ago and never used because it was the person I wanted to be, not who I am. I put them on a baking sheet so I could transport then easily into my fridge - which is coming up later. I opted for just having the bottoms with the nut crust. Because. .that's how much nut crust I had.

Rinse out your processor. Or not. Maybe just scrape out everything.

Put in the drained cashews and fruit of your choice and blend like the wind! BLEND BLEND BLEND!!! It will probably be a sort of thick mess. Probably a blueish color if you used blueberries in there. Optional, to make it layered, you can make one batch with less fruit for a lighter color and then layer the two colors.

This picture is the blended filling next to the bowl I soaked the fruit, dates and cashews into. Since I used my hands, my hands were red and it looked like blood. The blood of the fruit! AHHH!

I’m not running for food champion of the world.

Put this into your vessel. Top with some berries to make it look rustic rather than crappy – or like some maple syrup drops and refrigerate for a while. Maybe an hour? Maybe overnight.

Take out and enjoy some fruit and nuts the way God intended. Raw. Chilled.

Special Level of Awkward

My special level of awkwardness is never exaggerated. I also do not rock at any sort of team building.

Proof now exists!

Buying Dresses (or clothes) Online

I recently wore this sweater dress from Nine West on Pantsless Wednesday and somehow got drawn into a conversation about purchasing dresses online.

I get about 95% of my dresses through Amazon.com. I love Amazon. I like saving stuff to a wish list and I like buying things from my wish list. And I like making holidays easier by putting things on my wish list for people to get if they want to buy me a Christmas or birthday present.

Most people I tell this too – well, that I bought my dress from Amazon – claim they “could never do it” because “it would never fit.”

What?

Let's review how I go about buying stuff online and all that - maybe it will open doors for you. Maybe it won't. Maybe you got some time to kill and you like to read. I don't know you, I'm not going to tell you how to live.

Know Your Body and Needs
With all the rhetoric about body types and body self-image - yeah, we need to all calm down and just take note of how our bodies are. Big, small, thin, fat, curvy - big boobs, small butt, wide hips - whatever. We all have a body, might as well be honest about it and seek out clothes that make you feel good and look good.

I happen to be a big fan of the fit-and-flare style.

I also work in an office. I don't go out much. I mostly buy dresses for work that I could wear out on the off-chance I have somewhere to go. I like looking nice. I like dresses - which I didn't always like.

I have mastered making dresses acceptable in the winter and in the office with purchasing of a black blazer, a black shrug sweater and some black tights. And some tall boots. Nothing like that black blazer to keep me looking professional with any pattern shirt or dress and nothing like that tights to keep my legs covered and warm in the ice box of frozen dreams in corporate America.

Go to the Right Place
Let’s assume you are not read to use Amazon a warehousing type place where a lot of stuff is together. Maybe Overstocked would be another good example. I never ordered from there.

Anyhow, you could start by ordering off a company’s site that you know – like Mod Cloth, JC Penny or whatever. Mod Cloth isn't a good example because it's actually a stopping point of many designers, but, I have this awesome picture. .

I got this dress (called I Bid You I Do) from Mod Cloth without a hint of trouble. It’s the only thing I ever bought off Mod Cloth, but, I was very happy with it. I mean, I am not crazy about the satin under the. . mm. . .toile in pictures But - it is a nice dress.

Otherwise, I get things from Amazon because I like the variety. I’m pretty lazy, so, having 100 of stores to choose from is nice.

Know Who You Are Buying From
Do NOT buy things from China. This is just my personal opinion. I did buy my wedding shoes from China – they took about 2 months to deliver but I was happy with them. This store is called Honeystore and I knew it was a little shady because I couldn't find anything about the company ANYWHERE.

I took my time with checking out the reviews, though. 10 reviews - while I didn't take a picture - all seemed like people who know English. Don't fall for 10 5-star reviews and they all say something like, "shoe sexy and good!" or "sexy chic shoe for good time." That's the company paying to have someone write in bad English to make it appeal to the English speaking countries.

I also brought a dress from China once – it was not the right color (they said it was black, it was navy) and it was not the “right” size. It was far, far too small. To return it, I would have to pay an additional $260 dollars on a $200 dress. It’s not worth it.

I should have known not to buy it - as you can see, a lot of the descriptions are clothing "buzz words" and probably not a good indication. There were no reviews, either.

A lot of times, if a price seems too good to be true, you should avoid it. If you don’t know where the item is shipping from, there are no reviews and the price is really cheap – perfect storm. Don’t do it.

Which brings me to –

You Will Be Returning Items
Why does “returning” mean “failure?” I guess some people are consumed with body image and think by returning, s/he is the failure. Really, you’re rejecting the product for not suiting YOU. It’s the product’s fault. Return that snazz!

Most of these online stores (not China) have a great return policy. You can easily print out return labels for free. Even better if you are exchanging - things normally move pretty fast

I think when I started buying things online I did return a couple things. Like. A lot.

Understanding  Photos
You are going to have to learn a little about postings.

It's helpful to first check out the model - see how it fits in the picture. Sure, you might not be the model's size but we are all human and sort of proportional. Once you see how you relate to a standard model - stuff gets better. For example - and you will see it always circled - I check out where the dress hits. If it creeps up too far (or the model is standing to the side in a "sexy pose") I can assume it's too short for me.

In this case, this dress is a little high but ended up being just right when I got it. I also noted it's not really fit-n-flare which works best on my body. The pleats sort of give that idea, but, this dress is going to be a little more boxy than hourglass. I took a chance and I actually do love this dress - I wear it with a black blazer.

I didn't get this exact dress, but, I got one from the same company - it had lace around the waist which I was really digging. It got ok reviews, but it was pretty cheap and I could always wear jeans under it, right? As you can see, maybe, it was really too short. I mean, how far up do you think that model's legs go? Not much more. . .

Understanding Specs
Check out the specs. Dry clean only? Cotton? 100% polyester? Is there anything about the fit? I mean, I sort of pointed this out with that dress I got from China - it said a lot of "sexy" and "charming" which are not specs.

One of my favorite dresses is this Eliza J Women's Sleeveless Fit And Flare Printed Dress - I wore it to a wedding once. And to my rehearsal dinner. And whenever I need some brightness.

You can see it explains the waist - I care about this because I want dress to accent my waist, where I am thinnest and I want it to flare out because I have larger hips. Oh, and no boobs. Gives me an hourglass shape - it's also one of the most flattering looks for almost any body type.

I got this dress - it was a little different for me. Anyhow, you can see it's got some decent reviews, pretty much fits as expected and it's a pull-over. I don't know what "missy fit" is, but, it's a nice dress. It hit on the leg about where I wanted. I still wear it with tights to work.

Sizes
Sizes, remember, are not standard. A lot of places offer charts with measurements and then you sort of guestimate what you should order.

It’s helpful to read the reviews with a grain of salt – but only if someone puts in their size. Someone writing an item “didn't fit and it was too tight” doesn't much help. Writing, “I am 5’3, 140lbs and I got a M, but returned it for a L which fit better” is much more helpful.

I am normally a dress size 8 and I ordered this dress in a size 8.

Well, Jones New York engages in “vanity sizing.” I ended up returning it for a size 4. I’m in no way an American size 4 in this Jacquard Tea Party Dress.

There was no way I could really know this - but I did check the reviews and opted for a size 8. No biggy - I returned and left my feedback.

Non-Committal Brand Loyalty
Some stores are only online, some are not. If you like a brand, remember it, remember you size and order online. Have the item ship to your door for a second Christmas! If you order from an online store, remember your size and the quality and re-buy from there when you need stuff.

I found Patty Boutique on Amazon (they have their own site PattyBoutique.com, too) – which I had never heard of and I don’ t know if they have a physical store or now – and I love them! I know I am a medium or large in most items and if the reviews say something is a little “clingy” I got for a large. I love the quality and selection – the pieces are pretty unique, too.

I try to keep note of other dress brands I like – or check out those brands if I am in a brick-and-mortar store. One of my all-time favs and go-to dress is this one by Jessica Howard.

It hits right where it has to, it's pretty snazzy! The only thing I missed (but not a big deal) is the sewing details that run horizontally around the dress to give it the flare. It's in the picture, but, hard to see. It's more noticeable in real life. But, not enough for me to change my mind.

I got this for about $50 and it was about $175 when I did find it in a store. SCORE.

Conclusion
I say to start ordering online. It's not a bad thing to do - give it a shot.

Disgusting My Director (Things I Eat, Sorta)

This is sort of like a Things I Eat post.

One of my daily tasks - or almost daily tasks - is to send my director a picture of my lunch. I do this only to disgust and revolt him.

I have been pretty successful! Here are some of his replies - and a nice graphic of what I send to him:

And here are the variety of response I get back:

• Once again, quite disturbing.
• Slightly different shade of green but it works…
• That is so disturbing.
• So disturbing. 
• I think I recognized something on that plate… it seems to be shaped like a slice of bread but who knows what it really is.
• Looks like salsa – or Kermit met a blender…
• Was that found in the refrigerator after 5 months? Lovely

Stay thirsty, my friends!