Things I Eat: Fast Food Edition

Fast food is a weird thing for me. It’s easier for me to make something myself than try to order something – easier and often cheaper. However, sometimes, I just want something prepackaged and ready for me. It’s hard for me to find these items because of the mass of things I cannot eat.

That doesn't mean I make everything from scratch.

Here are some things I buy and eat - they are processed, they aren't 100% great for me, but. . sometimes a girl is hungover.

And let's face it, no one is making me food all the time and I can't go out all the time.

Food Should Taste Good

I love and agree with the company Food Should Taste Good. These chips are super simple. They can even print all the ingredients in big, understandable print. They have even started making more boil, eye catching type prints to alert people what is up with the clips so you can get the one your tummy will love the best.

My favor is the Sweet Potato Chips - me and my cat, Lucky, really like them and because it's just sweet potato, it's not bad for him to eat, either. Sweet potato is good for both cats and dogs - in moderation. So, when Lucky swipes a chip, I'm not too worried.

He knows the sound of the bag. That's. .weird.

While I can have normal potato chips - as long as they are not fried in canola oil, I often have to put chips down because they are cooked in "vegetable oil" which can include things I cannot have.

These are cooked in sunflower oil. And with salt. End of story. They are thick and delicious and I eat a whole bag in the car from the grocery store.

Buckwheat Wildberry Frozen Waffles
Buckwheat Wildberry Frozen Waffles! I am a fan of buckwheat and I make my own buckwheat pancakes. Buckwheat can be a bit of an acquired taste but it’s very healthy and even though “wheat” is in the name, it’s actually ground from buckwheat goats which is a fruit. It is wheat and gluten free.

Buckwheat is a fruit. Got it? Life is weird.

These waffles retail in my world for about $3-$4 for a total of 6 waffles. Not exactly a lot – about .66 cents per waffle. You can go nuts with the calculations. I didn't. Sorta.

These are not super healthy. The buckwheat flour is in there, but, it’s blended with potato flours. Nothing bad about that, but, it makes it more palatable for those who don’t have a “buckwheat tooth.” Trust me, if you had real buckwheat next to these, you’d totally be able to tell. For about 100 calories per waffle you don’t have a ton of nutrition. But, for taste and convince, this isn't too bad!

That aside – the taste is delightful sweet without being fake. They really jam some sweet fruit tones in there – which is AOK with me! You probably don’t need a lot of syrup – in fact, mine was almost two sweet with the dates and syrup.

In fact, Nature’s Path tends to rate very highly in taste across the board. So, two thumbs up.

American Flatbread: Vegan Harvest
Pizza for me thanks to American Flatbread Vegan Harvest!

Prepackaged goodness! Holy gob-stoppers, Batman, a pizza for my pizza-craving needs.

Yes – I know, this pizza has wheat and yeast and I need to avoid wheat and yeast.

However, in avoiding wheat on the daily-dillilo means I can sort of slide a little once in a while. It's sort of how us food allergy people live.

On the edge!

I can pop this in my toaster oven for about 7 minutes at 425 degrees and be done with it.

I have not gotten the cheese to melt awesomely, though. It is the Daiya Cheese which is processed but might be one of the best soy-free cheeses out there for those of us with special issues when it comes to fake cheese. It does get melty, but, sometimes it retains its shredded shapes.

I have found the crust crisps up nicely but sometimes it’s in patches. That might just be my toaster oven. I don’t mind having some crispy crust bits and chewy innards.

This is actually a pretty good pizza. As someone who has eaten a lot of artisan pizza and homemade pizza, I think this stacks up pretty good for a frozen pizza.I normally put on some oregano or garlic or you could totally add any veggies you wanted to dress it up. It would give it more nutrition.

However, on it's on, it's a nice cheesey pizza.

Yes, I'm always this ridiculous. 

Earth Balance: Buttery Spread

When I learned I couldn't process dairy, I didn't have a total meltdown or spend my days crying softly about my lack of ice cream and brie. I mean, dairy doesn't awful things to me - I don't love it. It was a bad relationship that turned abusive. I don't miss it. 

That much.

As an extra issue, most "non-dairy" things are made with soy - which I can't have. Then Earth Balance came along and made Earth Balance: Soy Free Buttery Spread. I use this the same way you all would use butter. Not that I bake often, but, if I was making biscuits, I would use this like butter. Or use it on my pancakes. Or in mashed potatoes.

It is processed. It's got a lot of stuff in it. But, for a tablespoon here and there, it is well worth it for me.

Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage

Fully cooked, healthy chicken sausage with bold flavors?! YES. Just because I am a vegan on a part-time

basis, doesn't mean I don't eat meat.

I am not actually a vegan, I just have to eat like one a lot. Meat is an important part of my diet. Just, not everyday. While some people encourage me to totally go vegan - in order for me to get the right nutrition, I do need meat.

I love these chicken sausages - mostly I get the sun-dried tomato or garlic flavored ones. Some DO have cheese in them, I avoid those. Since these are fully cooked, it's easy to add to pasta or just warm up with some saute peppers.

Image Credit
I really slacked on keeping track - sorry everyone.
Sicken sausage from socalnw.com

Things My Friends Text - Besides Melissa

Every month, I post my Texts from Melissa and I feel like I should take a moment to knowledgeable the insanity that follows everyone who wants to text with me.

In this example, a simple error is turned into a truth.

Here, I give advice and offer support to a friend who ready to give birth to her second child:

 Let's not forget - how I am kept updated as to the happenin's and goin's on! My friends are hysterical.

So, I text a lot. As a female, it's important I walk the thin social line of being coy and charming and direct when dealing with my handsome lover-man.

Just because my Mom, for example, doesn't text, doesn't mean I am any less likely to send her weird messages.

I often an referred to as the compassionate and honest friend

Things I Eat: Vegan Stew

I call it vegan because I don't want anyone else eating it. I mean, it's not a lie. It's vegan. I just didn't have any meat on hand.

This was my first stew of the fall season and I was super happy with it. You can play around with the flavors, too. It's a super easy one-pot meal.

I was battling a cold so I felt a little crappy. Actually, I felt a LOT crappy. I wish I could stay in bed with this lovable lump.

But, alas - I had to go to work. And by work, I mean I had to walk to my den since I was working from home. However, since I was on web-cam and calls all day, it wasn't like I could be doing other stuff. I was on camera.

Anyhow, I made myself a vegan stew. I was going to make soba noodles, but, then I was like. . .uhh. Naaa.

What You Need

• Onions: I used half of an onion I had one left over. Chopped.
• Potatoes: I used about six red bliss pototoes, again, chopped! Or whatever. 
• Pepper mix: I used Trader Joe's - Frozen Mixed Bell Peppers. Just the plain kind, not the fire roasted. I used about half a package.
• Brussels Sprouts: A whole package of frozen spouts.
• Green beans: Frozen, again. I used what I had left, maybe 1/4 a package.
• Spinach: Just at the end.
• Thyme: Love this seasoning.
• Mesquite seasoning: I used Kirkland Signature Sweet Mesquite Seasoning because I had it in my cabinets and I thought it would be a nice smokey taste. I don't use this a lot and I am not 100% sure what's all in it, but, I used it. Because I live wild!
• Paprika: I use the sweet kind. I love me some paprika!

Optional:

• Rice: What? Two starches together? Won't that cause the world to end? No. No it won't.
• Carrots: I enjoy carrots. I just didn't have any in my fridge. 
• Basil: Depending on your spice palette desires, you could use basil and rosemary. Basil goes with just about anything. 
• Spices: If you like a good stew, think about the flavors and add them. You'll be surprised how delicious this can be without meat.

What You Do

Put your onions and potatoes in a pot and saute them up until the onions are cooked nicely and the potatoes have been in there a while. Nothing has to brown or be overly cooked at this stage. Just a little soft and the onions being transparent. It will continue to cook as you add more stuff.

Add in the peppers and let them melt into the mixture - no need to thaw! But you could have if you were advanced thinking. Add in your Brussels sprouts and then your spice mix (I used the thyme, mesquite and paprika). Add a little salt, too, if you desire. dd about a cup of water, it will help get the bits off the bottom of the pot and it will be absorbed by everything. You can add more or less throughout the cooking process depending on how soupy you want it or stewy you want it.

I like strew.

I added some rice, too, because I had some. Really only came to about 1/2 a cup. Just what I had left over.

Once its all cooked up and you are pretty happy, add in your green beans add them now so they stay a little crunchy. You can continue to cook it down if you want. I kept mine so that the potatoes were still together but soft. The peppers and onions had all but dissolved and the spouts were tender.

When I put it in my bowl to serve, I added in the spinach and mixed that in. You could add it to the pot if you want to cook it down. If you aren't a fan of spinach, you could add it with the green beans and it will vanish into the strew.

I'm still not good at taking pictures of food like the other food people out there. I was also in my den and on a call when I took it. That's like an excuse. I also ate three bowls. 

What I love is the smokey flavor and the potatoes. The sprouts suck up all the flavor but give you a nice lump of texture like a tender piece of meat. No, it's not meat, but, it's very tender and substantial. The green beans are crunchy and remind me of carrots (which you could have used).  The peppers melt into it and give it a nice backdrop and the spinach - well, I love spinach. 

Lucky did come out of the bedroom but he was quite unhappy with what this was.

Invalid!

So, there I was filling out this form to have some stuff shipped to me and after filling out countless lines of data, the dreaded "YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!" pops up.

I scroll through everything and apparently I live in an invalid place.

Yes, I did fill out of the lines of data - just deleted them for the shot. 

I never felt so. . invalid.

This is how the robot apocalypse starts - because of our robot overloads, goods and services can no longer be provided at my place of lodgings. I can move into a human camp that is recognized or attempt to continue living through hunting and gathering.

Mail will be a thing of the past for me - the only communications will be electronic and those will be monitored.

My bank accounts will be drained due to my lack of a home address.

Food? I will be responsible for finding it - penniless, friends and family will be unable to find my invalid location.

Without a residence, I will be hunted by other humans who will be unable to extract taxes from my paycheck or, frankly, know how much to charge me.

. . .

Oh wait. . .

It went through.

Thing I Eat: Curried Noodles with Cilantro & Tomatoes

I needed some comfort food. If you remember, I had to breakup with Gourmet Garden spice tubes.

‘Cept ginger. Ginger is still vegan and contains no dairy. Why would you put dairy in basil, though? That's weird.

The breakup is going ok - I am trying to learn to love again. It’s hard. So, I will comfort myself with food – which is how people roll, I hear. 

Anyhow, my friend - Melissa from Texts with Melissa - loves these Dragon Noodles from Budget Bytes and I was like, “I also like noodles. And dragons!”

True story, I have five dragons in my apartment and I once started a rumor I was pregnant with dragons.

I do NOT like dragon noodles. Well, I would like them but my body doesn't. I don't like spicy things, either. But I do like noodles.

I decided I would make. . .this thing. Because I was craving curry and cilantro. And noodles. And this idea of making a type of dragon noodles with a curry flare seemed really like a good idea. What would they be called? Tiger noodles? Is there some type of classical animal that best sums up. . .the 10 million places curry is from?

I like tigers. 

What You Need

Love (All you need is love!)

Kidding. You need food. And water. And sunlight. And the Internet. . 

• Rice noodles: A favorite of mine. I don’t make the whole package for me. I used maybe a little under half for myself. I like the Tinkyada brand and my favorite has always been the fettuccine. I like broad, flat things.
• Tomato: I got one big tomato – sure you could use grape or cherry tomatoes. I’m not a big fan of raw tomato, but, today I was. Maybe I need more nightshade in my life - maybe more lycopene. If you didn't know, tomatoes are from the nightshade family (the same family that produces some deadly stuff) and contain lycopene which is good for you.
• Fresh cilantro: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who like cilantro and those who do not. I have no figured out if people are as divided on the issue of other parts of coriander which I believe is delicious. You could also use basil if you don't like or have cilantro.
• Spinach: Why not get some extra greens in there? I like to rip it up to get out my aggression.

Spices!

• Curry: I like Spice Islands because it’s in my cabinet. Curry is a blend of many spices and you can make you own. But, I'm a heart-broken gal with a need for noodles. I'm taking some shortcuts. Curry is normally made up of a blend of cumin, cardamom, coriander, turmeric, dry mustard and cayenne. Even if you use a pre-packaged type, you can blend it with more flavors.
• Garlic powder: Is there ever too much?
• Turmeric: I am a big fan of this flavor - I suggest only using this if you are prepared to have everything you love dyed yellow)
• Paprika: The spice of my people! I like the sweet type but you can use smoked or hot. Also, make sure you KNOW which one you have BEFORE you put it in anything. 
• Coriander: Not to be confused with cilantro which comes from the same plant.
• Salt: I like sea salt. Make sure you get some normal salt, too.

I don’t know what ratio I really use of all of these. I used a lot of curry and garlic. I used a modest amount of turmeric and paprika. Use less coriander. Salt is always to taste.

What You Do

Boil up your noodles and in the pot - also mix in half of the amount of curry, turmeric, garlic and coriander you have. Hell, throw in the paprika. I did. I want to season the noodles - I want the noodles to be the vehicle of hope and restoration in my soul. You could just boil up the noodles in plain water and add the spice mix after. I just like being a mad scientist mixing stuff and having these flavors in the noodles.

You could use a bullion, if you are shy about how I work – use a chicken or veggie bouillon cube and then add in the curry type stuff later. Seriously, play around with it.

Here’s a secret if you are on the fence about cilantro. Add the cilantro to your boiling noodles. It will infuse lightly with the noodles and be less intense. You can always add more for garnish and flare if you do like cilantro. I added some to my noodle water AND used it for garnish. I like the fresh pop of cilantro.

You can also add some spinach – remember when we had that thing on adding more veggies and fruit into your life? Add some spinach. I like using a food more than once in the cooking process – let’s be honest. A little cooked spinach and little raw spinach gives different textures and fun-ness.

Once the noodles are tender – drain and add them back into the pot. Yes, all that brew goes down the drain. You can save it. I don’t know who you are. I drained it. Do NOT rinse your noodles. You want the starch and flavor to remain. Turn off the heat, too, you don’t want to fry your noodles. Remember how I said don’t use turmeric unless you want everything to be yellow? Yeah, you’ll see that now if you used some. Don't worry, one day things won't be yellow.

Add in as much god-lovin’ spinach as you want. Mix it up. As a bonus, since your pot is still warm, the spinach should wilt a little. I ripped up a lot of spinach and folded it all in. Do the same with however much cilantro you want to use. Let it all sort of get warm in the hug of the noodles.

Cut up the tomato however you want (or if you have the baby ones, throw them in). I went with sort of strips - you could cube it or keep it in wedges, play around with it.  Then fold that in there. You could always break out the juice parts and mix that into your noodles if you have hope for the future. But, who has that kind of time? I got all my aggression out ripping up spinach. I wanted the texture of these tomatoes sitting on a warm bed of curried noodles with cilantro.

Fold all that together and season with a little more garlic or curry or salt - anything you need for your tastes buds to enjoy.

Then, sit back and watch Criminal Minds because the next noise you hear is probably going to be a serial killer who needs to steal your eyeballs! Sleep is for pansies!

Runners/Walkers/Bikers PSA

Ladies and gentlemen - if you are running/walking/biking alone and you find yourself isolated - meaning no

Medics work on someone found on the trail

one else is around - and someone is laying on the ground or gets close enough to ask you for help - go the other way.

Sure, this sounds like I'm the worst person in the world. But, I assure you, I have a method to my madness and a plan that will not leave an innocent person unprotected or unhelped!

Yes, of course, you take a step away and you call 911. Do not allow yourself to get close unless you are with someone else who can absolutely protect you if things go really bad. Ideally, you will just call 911 and not get into any situation.

Why? Because this is how predators attract their next victims.Ted Bundy always approached his victims in a sling asking for help - check out the Murderpedia if you don't believe me. Or check out your local trail news to find all the people who thought they were helping someone in need and got raped, kidnapped or murdered.

Get it? You can be a helpful, good, honest person while still keeping a healthy two-car length between you and ANYone else. Men, women, children. . .anyone.

Be Aware

And for heaven's sake - take an ear bud out. You're like a limping gazelle out there in your own world.

Be aware!

People, the world doesn't revolve around you - but predators do. They love that you run in your own world with the attitude that this is your time while you listen to your music and push through the day.

They love how you get tired. They love to trail you in your mental isolation until you are alone - and then they will strike.

What hope do you have of protecting yourself if you willfully blind yourself and remain unaware of the world around you? At the very least, be aware of those around you.

I'd be very sad if something happened to you.

Protect Yourself
Let's face it - if someone wants to attack you for any reason, s/he will succeed. The point of safety is to make a predator not want to attack you because it will be too difficult to get what s/he wants. You don't want to be an easy target and you want to be able to defend yourself effectively.

Here are some tips:

• Don't publicly post your running/walking/biking routes. It's popular to do so with things like RunKeeper or MapMyFitness to post your routes. Don't make these public, don't let people who you don't know access them. If anything, don't post them at all. Human tend to be creatures of habit and we also tend to run/walk/bike close to our homes - yep. Homes. Not a good thought - having a predator know you are out on a run and be waiting in your home?
• Build a team and run/bike/walk with someone. While this is not a fail-safe, having a second set of eyes and a second body makes you less likely to be a target. Also, should you have a bad fall or something, you got someone there to help you.
• Make sure someone knows where you are and when you should be done you workout. What if you broke your leg and no one knew where you were? You'd want someone to start looking for you before you are out there for a few days, you know? Just look up stories of hikers who got lost for days - it wasn't a fun time.
• Practice your defense. Many women I know carry Mace - often in a pink carrier - but few have ever fired it. Fewer still know it can expire. Fewer STILL can't even access it easily when running. If you are going to carry a weapon or tool should someone attack you, at least know how to use it. Practice some self-defense moves - boys and girls - or take a class once a year. If you have never hit someone, learn to hit someone. In a situation where someone is coming at you to hurt you, you want to be direct.

I'm a tiger of safely!

I was raised by someone in law enforcement, so, I was raised to think in terms of predators and victims. As an adult, when I want to protect myself, I try to think like someone who wants to do harm to someone else - that someone else being me. If I wanted to rape me or kill me, what would I do? I would check out the Internet, I would try to find locations, I would isolate and I would surprise.

The Story of Karl: Jello and Norse Mythology

I decided to do a video blog for this wonderful installment.A lot of people have been asking me about Karl.

For future reading:

• The Lay of Rig from The University of Pittsburg
• Wikipedia entry on Rígsþula
• What is Jelly Made Of?
• How Long is Does Jelly Last?

Things I Eat: Zuke Noodle Fettuccini

Seriously - who doesn't love avocado? Other than my aunt. And my coworker who is allergic. And. . .you know, a healthy amount of people.

I, however, love me some 'cado! Or, as I learned from Call the Midwife - alligator pears! Come on - that's such a cooler sounding thing. Alligator pears. It's like shark tomato or narwhal peaches  or. . . unicorn corn. .?

Avocado is a strangely versatile. .fruit or large berry, depending on how you want to make conversations awkward at your next cocktail party. Check out what the Wiki says:

The avocado (Persea americana) is a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel. Avocado or alligator pear also refers to the fruit, botanically a large berry that contains a single seed.

So, it's a large berry? The study of botanicals is fascinating!

What I Love
I love the richness and fattiness of avocado - fat and rich, is anything better? No. You need fat. Your body wants fat. Don't listen to people tell you otherwise.

I like how it is generally low in sugar and high in fiber. It's also a little powerhouse of vitamin C and vitamin B-6. It is also a very mild flavor so it blends well into smoothies or puddings. And margaritas.

Sure, I take supplements because of my whacked out life but when I can get good minerals and vitamins in me in the way God intended, I'm all for that.

Most people love guacamole and don't realize it's avocado.

Anyhow, add sweet to or salty or spicy to you 'cado and be happy!

I actually have found many uses for it. One of my favorites is . .well - sometimes an avocado with some sea salt is my lunch. It is sometimes the best thing I got going for me in the day.

Mm. 'Cado.

As someone who often misses out on "creamy" things because I can't have diary, egg, soy. . .fun. . .I found the avocado a great and healthy replacement. A lot of times, finding things I can eat involve a lot of weird chemicals and altered food. I like to avoid that. A lot.

Ok, let's get down to brass tacks and let's get some healthy junk in you with this creamy, dreamy pasta! Don't tell anyone - it's actually vegan. You can really use anything with the zuke noodles - they are a wonderful substitute for grain based noodles. What's a zuke noodle? A peeled zucchini - I'm lazy, I'm not going to say three syllables when I can say one.

What You Need

• 1 avocado (ripe)
• 1 zucchini (or zuke, as I call them)
• Olive oil
• Garlic powder
• Basil
• Sun-dried tomatoes
• Salt
• Optional: Red pepper flakes, tree nuts, tomato paste - dance moves.

What You Do
Wash the zuke (OMG, so dirty!) and use a vegetable peeler to peel it into strips. You can get some fancy things like a spiral veggie cutter or mandolin to make different texture of noodles. I like the fettuccine or pad thigh type noodles, so, a normal peeler works fine for me.

Sometimes I leave the "core" part which is where the seeds are and mostly all the water aside. Other times, I just peel the whole thing. It's all good and the added liquid helps blend everything.

I'm not going to tell you how to live.

Once you are done with peeling, just lay the peeled zuke noodles aside to dry a little, if you desire. Zuke doesn't really absorb flavors so, I let it be.

In another bowl, smash up your avocado and add your olive oil (helps turn it more creamy but not too much as you might need more later as you mix), garlic and salt - to taste. And anything else you might like - red pepper flakes for spice or basil. You could even add some tomato paste for extra amazing flavor.

I encourage flavor exploration. Maybe try a delicious flavored oil? Mmm.

Mix the zuke noodles (gently) with your avocado mixture. I normally add a little more flavored or straight up olive oil here to help.Add in your sun-dried tomato or other toppings as you see fit.

Toss some extra touches for your face-shoving pleasure and consume! I topped mine with some dried basil.

I promise I will get better at making things look appetizing - this dish can be a little on the bland side when it comes to color. Other than the nice strip of rich green from the zuke you can just do a Google search for "zucchini noodles" to find some other great (and artistic) recipes.

UPDATE! I did get better at it - here is another version of the same concept - zuke noodles and rice noodles together with garlic roasted grape tomatoes, fresh basil and pine nuts.

Other people who do it better (and in different styles) include:

Sarah Yates with her Zucchini Noodles with Pesto and Roasted Tomatoes

Janet M with her 5-Minute Zippy Garlic-Basil Marinara with Zucchini Noodles

Mary Miller with her Raw Zucchini Noodle “Pad Thai”

And, yes, everyone on the Internet takes better pictures of food and arranges it more artfully. I'm just a girl with a weird diet and a heart full of sloth!

And a bowl full of zuke fettuccini!

Special Edition: Noooo!!

I just learned - by looking at the label - that most of the Gourmet Gardens spice tubes contain MILK!!

Ginger is OK. Even on the site - and by my own checking - it states, "Only Gourmet Garden Ginger is suitable for ovo-vegetarians and vegans."

I am sad. So, if you can't have dairy by choice or construction - don't use these guys unless you check the label.

So, no more of my spice tube short cut.

Texts With Melissa: Giving Up

I now have a Part 3 to my Texts With Melissa Series - you can check out Part 1 and Part 2 on our own time.

What have we been up to? Well. . .

For anyone who thinks we are out of syn. . .let's take a closer look!

And that's how we do.