Feb 25, 2015
If you need a update, check out Don’t WebMD That. If you need a summary, here it is:
Doctors Suck
I went to my old primary care office place thing and went to a doctor my Dad recommended as, you know, a “smart guy.” In the common world, the longer you are in school, the smarter you are. I hate doctors. Ok, I mean, I don’t HATE them but I know most doctors do NOT have the best interest of patients in mind.
I look forward to be proven wrong.
I was not in this case.
The Nurse
I’m really awkward. I'm going to freely and fully admit that.
The nurse calls me back and I stumbled around for a minute in this narrow hall where the scale to weigh me is. Because it was -2 degrees outside and there is no place to store/hang your objects - I annoyed the nurse off the bat with my inability to place all my stuff on the floor fast enough.
To give you an idea, this is the amount of stuff I wear sitting at my desk - #TundaCube
I don't mind weighing 210lbs. The nurse did. I had to take off a couple layers.
Ok, nurse, Let me stumble around in this random hallway taking off my boots, coat, messenger bag, scarf, gloves. . .WHY DO YOU HATE ME, JUDGY NURSE WHO WORKS IN A CLIMATE CONTROLLED OFFICE?!
Many annoyed sighs later - I had stacked all my stuff on the floor. She even proved to me how annoying I was by taking a step back. Also, they had this electronic height thing. Man, did I get some evil looks for not understanding how THAT operated. Sorry, I didn't have my installed yet.
Then I got more dirty looks when I asked how tall I was and she told me in inches.
Then she got all weird. I stopped growing at 18 - Which would CLEARLY have been in my charts. Maybe I lost an inch, maybe not? I don't know. Just sort of fun, right? RIGHT? Not a big deal, I sort of laughed about it. .trying to be friends.
She equally didn't like how I was trying to get back into my shoes. My amazing Impo Oma Platform Stretch Bootie - look at it! Look at me struggle to get into them!
You know what? Screw you nurse-pants.
She was already pissed I had to collect all my stuff and didn't have enough hands. Thankfully, I got it all together before she vanished down the hall to the exam room. So, then the nurse takes me to the room to ask me – again – why I’m there.
I actually do not wish anyone to have to endure what I did. Both the sickness and the silence. To this day, my family and friends brush 15 years of my life off as a "no big deal" situation. It's a mixture of ignorance, disbelief and facts that have been suppressed. I just merely. . got better.
Then she took my blood pressure. It hurt.
The Doctor
After a couple minutes, in walks the doctor. What does he say to me? “Where have you been?”
Where have I been? You don’t even know me, dude. What do you mean, “Where have I been?” Where have YOU been?
Anyhow, awkward conversation ensues because I don’t have the mental ability to recover from, “Where have you been?” I mean, I went to college. I lived in a couple places . . . mm . . . I . . . I don’t know what you want from me!?
Then I realized, I haven’t been to this practice for about 15 years? I was in at some point a few years ago to pick up a Z-Pack that was about it. I told him I had been sick with Lyme and he said, “oh, everyone has that.”
Oh. Well, I had the PICC line, heart damage, infection in my brain and my spleen almost exploded. I also had Bartonella and Babesiosis. My immune system shut down so I got pneumonia and also thrush. My last bout of thrush was about six months ago because of my adrenal situation. . .
Wait for it. .he said. .can you guess? “You couldn't have gotten all that.”
Obviously you are not interested my medical history, and you aren’t really going to understand why I went to another doctor when a simple Western Blot that could have been administered in this very office when I was 18 had the potential to save me 10 years of agony but was denied because “I couldn’t be sick with that”. . . so, let’s get down to brass tacks.
I brought my test results and he checked them out and did an abdominal exam. Those things are so painful, seriously. Just push my organs around and ask me how I’m feeling.
He first determined the enlarged liver had nothing to do with the ulcer – which I was treating and was doing fine. Way to go. I didn't need any additional treatment for the ulcer since the OTC drugs I was on was doing just fine.
Back to the enlarged liver – he asked me about 5 times if I was in an abusive relationship. I appreciate this, even though it annoyed me. Honestly, you have to keep asking people these questions because they often don’t want to admit it. He said if I had a sexual partner who ever had another sexual partner – I could have hepatitis. So, he was going to check me for that.
Then he said I needed a TDAP vaccine – that’s Tetanus, Diphtheria and Pertussis. Because I might be around kids and. .it’s good to have. I agreed to it.
At least, I got actions! I got a blood test to rule in or rule out some type of illness that directly could cause my liver to enlarge. I was happy with that because normally I get a shrug and told to come back later to see how things are.
Blood Lady
I got my blood draw and I asked a question that immediately pisses all Pantomimists – “are you good at this?” I didn't ask in those words. I mentioned something people have difficulty getting blood from. And I showed her my two arms.
I’M DONE WITH YOU!
Now both my arms hurt and the TDAP – I couldn't use that arm for about 4 days. And I was so sick the day after. I think I passed out at 7pm in a pool of my own drool and tears. Thankfully, someone else had this at work and told me it was horrible. It was! I felt like I needed to call into work to say I had Autism.
*rim shot*
Kidding, autism is not funny. Then again, I think people on all levels of the spectrum are just as funny and not funny as people not on the spectrum. We're all people. We all got something.
Results
I called for my results and FINALLY got them. My doctor’s office has this web portal where they will post your results so you can access everything electronically. Since my results weren't in, the nurse got me set up but my user name didn't exist in the system (ever) and my password never worked.
I called back a few days later for my results. I did not have any type of hepatitis. I asked to talk to the doctor.
OMG, thank you so much gatekeeper of medicalness! The next week, I called back because, of course, I didn't get a call.
Well, good thing I was so proactive in reaching out to you! Otherwise, I wouldn't have ever done anything else about this!
In May, I will have another ultrasound to check out my liver. If it is still enlarged, I will have to go see a GI doctor. If it isn't, then it might have been a one off situation or little viral thing that resolved itself. Thankfully, the doctor sent the script while on the phone with me.
Maybe. I don’t really know. I am hesitant to call the place because if he didn't do it, I will have to call the nurses again.
IN THE MEANTIME – I don’t have hepatitis or obesity. While my heart does have damage, it's considered mythical because. . well, you get the point.
I have to hang out and wait until May hoping for the best.
- My stomach was on MOFU FIRE.
- I went to a local walk-in clinic – I had an ultrasound.
- It was determined I had an ulcer.
- Oh, and my liver was enlarged. An enlarged liver is main caused by cirrhosis, heart failure, obesity, cancer/tumors or hepatitis.
- I went to another doctor.
Doctors Suck
I went to my old primary care office place thing and went to a doctor my Dad recommended as, you know, a “smart guy.” In the common world, the longer you are in school, the smarter you are. I hate doctors. Ok, I mean, I don’t HATE them but I know most doctors do NOT have the best interest of patients in mind.
I look forward to be proven wrong.
I was not in this case.
The Nurse
I’m really awkward. I'm going to freely and fully admit that.
The nurse calls me back and I stumbled around for a minute in this narrow hall where the scale to weigh me is. Because it was -2 degrees outside and there is no place to store/hang your objects - I annoyed the nurse off the bat with my inability to place all my stuff on the floor fast enough.
To give you an idea, this is the amount of stuff I wear sitting at my desk - #TundaCube
I don't mind weighing 210lbs. The nurse did. I had to take off a couple layers.
Ok, nurse, Let me stumble around in this random hallway taking off my boots, coat, messenger bag, scarf, gloves. . .WHY DO YOU HATE ME, JUDGY NURSE WHO WORKS IN A CLIMATE CONTROLLED OFFICE?!
Many annoyed sighs later - I had stacked all my stuff on the floor. She even proved to me how annoying I was by taking a step back. Also, they had this electronic height thing. Man, did I get some evil looks for not understanding how THAT operated. Sorry, I didn't have my installed yet.
Then I got more dirty looks when I asked how tall I was and she told me in inches.
Me: Ok, what’s that in feet?
Nurse: *BIG SIGH* 5’6.
Me: (nervous laugh) I lost an inch. Haha.
Then she got all weird. I stopped growing at 18 - Which would CLEARLY have been in my charts. Maybe I lost an inch, maybe not? I don't know. Just sort of fun, right? RIGHT? Not a big deal, I sort of laughed about it. .trying to be friends.
Nurse: What does it say on your driver's license?Obviously. I’ll be sure to get that corrected ASAP, lady. I mean, I did just tell you I thought I was 5’7 and when you get a driver’s licenses, they don’t measure you, you just write it down.
Me: Mm . . . 5’7
Nurse: *disapproval*
She equally didn't like how I was trying to get back into my shoes. My amazing Impo Oma Platform Stretch Bootie - look at it! Look at me struggle to get into them!
You know what? Screw you nurse-pants.
She was already pissed I had to collect all my stuff and didn't have enough hands. Thankfully, I got it all together before she vanished down the hall to the exam room. So, then the nurse takes me to the room to ask me – again – why I’m there.
Me: I’m here because I had an ultrasound and I have an enlarged liver.I think I should get points for sitting in silence rather than telling her how I think the medical establishment sucks and she and all doctors are some of the worst people in the world to me. I also wish she or someone she loves slowly dies from the illnesses I suffered from so she can proudly tell them, "you can't have it" in that preachy way. . .but. .I didn't.
Nurse: Are you sure?
I actually do not wish anyone to have to endure what I did. Both the sickness and the silence. To this day, my family and friends brush 15 years of my life off as a "no big deal" situation. It's a mixture of ignorance, disbelief and facts that have been suppressed. I just merely. . got better.
Then she took my blood pressure. It hurt.
The Doctor
After a couple minutes, in walks the doctor. What does he say to me? “Where have you been?”
Where have I been? You don’t even know me, dude. What do you mean, “Where have I been?” Where have YOU been?
Anyhow, awkward conversation ensues because I don’t have the mental ability to recover from, “Where have you been?” I mean, I went to college. I lived in a couple places . . . mm . . . I . . . I don’t know what you want from me!?
Then I realized, I haven’t been to this practice for about 15 years? I was in at some point a few years ago to pick up a Z-Pack that was about it. I told him I had been sick with Lyme and he said, “oh, everyone has that.”
Oh. Well, I had the PICC line, heart damage, infection in my brain and my spleen almost exploded. I also had Bartonella and Babesiosis. My immune system shut down so I got pneumonia and also thrush. My last bout of thrush was about six months ago because of my adrenal situation. . .
Wait for it. .he said. .can you guess? “You couldn't have gotten all that.”
Obviously you are not interested my medical history, and you aren’t really going to understand why I went to another doctor when a simple Western Blot that could have been administered in this very office when I was 18 had the potential to save me 10 years of agony but was denied because “I couldn’t be sick with that”. . . so, let’s get down to brass tacks.
I brought my test results and he checked them out and did an abdominal exam. Those things are so painful, seriously. Just push my organs around and ask me how I’m feeling.
He first determined the enlarged liver had nothing to do with the ulcer – which I was treating and was doing fine. Way to go. I didn't need any additional treatment for the ulcer since the OTC drugs I was on was doing just fine.
Back to the enlarged liver – he asked me about 5 times if I was in an abusive relationship. I appreciate this, even though it annoyed me. Honestly, you have to keep asking people these questions because they often don’t want to admit it. He said if I had a sexual partner who ever had another sexual partner – I could have hepatitis. So, he was going to check me for that.
Then he said I needed a TDAP vaccine – that’s Tetanus, Diphtheria and Pertussis. Because I might be around kids and. .it’s good to have. I agreed to it.
At least, I got actions! I got a blood test to rule in or rule out some type of illness that directly could cause my liver to enlarge. I was happy with that because normally I get a shrug and told to come back later to see how things are.
Blood Lady
I got my blood draw and I asked a question that immediately pisses all Pantomimists – “are you good at this?” I didn't ask in those words. I mentioned something people have difficulty getting blood from. And I showed her my two arms.
Nurse: Whatever arm you want me to use.She missed and moved to the other arm. My sickness meant I had weekly blood draws along with a major monthly draw. My veins are scared. What did she say?
Me: Up to you, sometimes it’s hard for people to get blood from me.
Nurse: You have a lot of veins. Whatever arm.
Me: You’re drawing the blood, it’s up to you. *SMILE*
Nurse: I don’t think you drank enough water, that’s the problem. I mean, you have small veins.
I’M DONE WITH YOU!
Now both my arms hurt and the TDAP – I couldn't use that arm for about 4 days. And I was so sick the day after. I think I passed out at 7pm in a pool of my own drool and tears. Thankfully, someone else had this at work and told me it was horrible. It was! I felt like I needed to call into work to say I had Autism.
*rim shot*
Kidding, autism is not funny. Then again, I think people on all levels of the spectrum are just as funny and not funny as people not on the spectrum. We're all people. We all got something.
Results
I called for my results and FINALLY got them. My doctor’s office has this web portal where they will post your results so you can access everything electronically. Since my results weren't in, the nurse got me set up but my user name didn't exist in the system (ever) and my password never worked.
I called back a few days later for my results. I did not have any type of hepatitis. I asked to talk to the doctor.
Nurse: Why? You’re tests are negative.
Me: Because I need to talk to the doctor.
Nurse: He is just going to tell you your results are negative – I will put a note in for him to call you, though.
OMG, thank you so much gatekeeper of medicalness! The next week, I called back because, of course, I didn't get a call.
Me: Hi, I was in last week to see the doctor and I am waiting on a call back.The doctor did call me back relatively quickly - the same day, in fact - and told me my test was negative. I got to the business. I Googled this, sir, I know what the implications are. There needs to be a follow-up or something, right?
Nurse: Is this about labs?
Me: I’m waiting for a call back from the doctor.
Nurse: For your test results?
Me: For a talk with the doctor about my results, yes.
Nurse: Your tests for hepatitis were negative.
Me: I know. That’s why I need to talk to the doctor.
Nurse: I don’t understand. You’re negative.
Me: Do you know why I was being tested for hepatitis?
Nurse: Well, no.
Me: Do you know the implications of a negative test result are based on why I came into see the doctor.
Nurse: No.
Me: Then thank you for telling me my results, which I am aware of. I still would like to talk to the doctor. The negative test might rule out a situation but it doesn't confirm what is actually wrong.
Nurse: Well, he’s busy. I can send him a message.
Me: Thanks.
Doctor: Oh, yes, Of course.
Well, good thing I was so proactive in reaching out to you! Otherwise, I wouldn't have ever done anything else about this!
In May, I will have another ultrasound to check out my liver. If it is still enlarged, I will have to go see a GI doctor. If it isn't, then it might have been a one off situation or little viral thing that resolved itself. Thankfully, the doctor sent the script while on the phone with me.
Maybe. I don’t really know. I am hesitant to call the place because if he didn't do it, I will have to call the nurses again.
IN THE MEANTIME – I don’t have hepatitis or obesity. While my heart does have damage, it's considered mythical because. . well, you get the point.
I have to hang out and wait until May hoping for the best.
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