Things I Eat: Fast Food Edition

Fast food is a weird thing for me. It’s easier for me to make something myself than try to order something – easier and often cheaper. However, sometimes, I just want something prepackaged and ready for me. It’s hard for me to find these items because of the mass of things I cannot eat.

That doesn't mean I make everything from scratch.

Here are some things I buy and eat - they are processed, they aren't 100% great for me, but. . sometimes a girl is hungover.

And let's face it, no one is making me food all the time and I can't go out all the time.

Food Should Taste Good

I love and agree with the company Food Should Taste Good. These chips are super simple. They can even print all the ingredients in big, understandable print. They have even started making more boil, eye catching type prints to alert people what is up with the clips so you can get the one your tummy will love the best.

My favor is the Sweet Potato Chips - me and my cat, Lucky, really like them and because it's just sweet potato, it's not bad for him to eat, either. Sweet potato is good for both cats and dogs - in moderation. So, when Lucky swipes a chip, I'm not too worried.

He knows the sound of the bag. That's. .weird.

While I can have normal potato chips - as long as they are not fried in canola oil, I often have to put chips down because they are cooked in "vegetable oil" which can include things I cannot have.

These are cooked in sunflower oil. And with salt. End of story. They are thick and delicious and I eat a whole bag in the car from the grocery store.

Buckwheat Wildberry Frozen Waffles
Buckwheat Wildberry Frozen Waffles! I am a fan of buckwheat and I make my own buckwheat pancakes. Buckwheat can be a bit of an acquired taste but it’s very healthy and even though “wheat” is in the name, it’s actually ground from buckwheat goats which is a fruit. It is wheat and gluten free.

Buckwheat is a fruit. Got it? Life is weird.

These waffles retail in my world for about $3-$4 for a total of 6 waffles. Not exactly a lot – about .66 cents per waffle. You can go nuts with the calculations. I didn't. Sorta.

These are not super healthy. The buckwheat flour is in there, but, it’s blended with potato flours. Nothing bad about that, but, it makes it more palatable for those who don’t have a “buckwheat tooth.” Trust me, if you had real buckwheat next to these, you’d totally be able to tell. For about 100 calories per waffle you don’t have a ton of nutrition. But, for taste and convince, this isn't too bad!

That aside – the taste is delightful sweet without being fake. They really jam some sweet fruit tones in there – which is AOK with me! You probably don’t need a lot of syrup – in fact, mine was almost two sweet with the dates and syrup.

In fact, Nature’s Path tends to rate very highly in taste across the board. So, two thumbs up.

American Flatbread: Vegan Harvest
Pizza for me thanks to American Flatbread Vegan Harvest!

Prepackaged goodness! Holy gob-stoppers, Batman, a pizza for my pizza-craving needs.

Yes – I know, this pizza has wheat and yeast and I need to avoid wheat and yeast.

However, in avoiding wheat on the daily-dillilo means I can sort of slide a little once in a while. It's sort of how us food allergy people live.

On the edge!

I can pop this in my toaster oven for about 7 minutes at 425 degrees and be done with it.

I have not gotten the cheese to melt awesomely, though. It is the Daiya Cheese which is processed but might be one of the best soy-free cheeses out there for those of us with special issues when it comes to fake cheese. It does get melty, but, sometimes it retains its shredded shapes.

I have found the crust crisps up nicely but sometimes it’s in patches. That might just be my toaster oven. I don’t mind having some crispy crust bits and chewy innards.

This is actually a pretty good pizza. As someone who has eaten a lot of artisan pizza and homemade pizza, I think this stacks up pretty good for a frozen pizza.I normally put on some oregano or garlic or you could totally add any veggies you wanted to dress it up. It would give it more nutrition.

However, on it's on, it's a nice cheesey pizza.

Yes, I'm always this ridiculous. 

Earth Balance: Buttery Spread

When I learned I couldn't process dairy, I didn't have a total meltdown or spend my days crying softly about my lack of ice cream and brie. I mean, dairy doesn't awful things to me - I don't love it. It was a bad relationship that turned abusive. I don't miss it. 

That much.

As an extra issue, most "non-dairy" things are made with soy - which I can't have. Then Earth Balance came along and made Earth Balance: Soy Free Buttery Spread. I use this the same way you all would use butter. Not that I bake often, but, if I was making biscuits, I would use this like butter. Or use it on my pancakes. Or in mashed potatoes.

It is processed. It's got a lot of stuff in it. But, for a tablespoon here and there, it is well worth it for me.

Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage

Fully cooked, healthy chicken sausage with bold flavors?! YES. Just because I am a vegan on a part-time

basis, doesn't mean I don't eat meat.

I am not actually a vegan, I just have to eat like one a lot. Meat is an important part of my diet. Just, not everyday. While some people encourage me to totally go vegan - in order for me to get the right nutrition, I do need meat.

I love these chicken sausages - mostly I get the sun-dried tomato or garlic flavored ones. Some DO have cheese in them, I avoid those. Since these are fully cooked, it's easy to add to pasta or just warm up with some saute peppers.

Image Credit
I really slacked on keeping track - sorry everyone.
Sicken sausage from socalnw.com

Things My Friends Text - Besides Melissa

Every month, I post my Texts from Melissa and I feel like I should take a moment to knowledgeable the insanity that follows everyone who wants to text with me.

In this example, a simple error is turned into a truth.

Here, I give advice and offer support to a friend who ready to give birth to her second child:

 Let's not forget - how I am kept updated as to the happenin's and goin's on! My friends are hysterical.

So, I text a lot. As a female, it's important I walk the thin social line of being coy and charming and direct when dealing with my handsome lover-man.

Just because my Mom, for example, doesn't text, doesn't mean I am any less likely to send her weird messages.

I often an referred to as the compassionate and honest friend

Things I Eat: Vegan Stew

I call it vegan because I don't want anyone else eating it. I mean, it's not a lie. It's vegan. I just didn't have any meat on hand.

This was my first stew of the fall season and I was super happy with it. You can play around with the flavors, too. It's a super easy one-pot meal.

I was battling a cold so I felt a little crappy. Actually, I felt a LOT crappy. I wish I could stay in bed with this lovable lump.

But, alas - I had to go to work. And by work, I mean I had to walk to my den since I was working from home. However, since I was on web-cam and calls all day, it wasn't like I could be doing other stuff. I was on camera.

Anyhow, I made myself a vegan stew. I was going to make soba noodles, but, then I was like. . .uhh. Naaa.

What You Need

• Onions: I used half of an onion I had one left over. Chopped.
• Potatoes: I used about six red bliss pototoes, again, chopped! Or whatever. 
• Pepper mix: I used Trader Joe's - Frozen Mixed Bell Peppers. Just the plain kind, not the fire roasted. I used about half a package.
• Brussels Sprouts: A whole package of frozen spouts.
• Green beans: Frozen, again. I used what I had left, maybe 1/4 a package.
• Spinach: Just at the end.
• Thyme: Love this seasoning.
• Mesquite seasoning: I used Kirkland Signature Sweet Mesquite Seasoning because I had it in my cabinets and I thought it would be a nice smokey taste. I don't use this a lot and I am not 100% sure what's all in it, but, I used it. Because I live wild!
• Paprika: I use the sweet kind. I love me some paprika!

Optional:

• Rice: What? Two starches together? Won't that cause the world to end? No. No it won't.
• Carrots: I enjoy carrots. I just didn't have any in my fridge. 
• Basil: Depending on your spice palette desires, you could use basil and rosemary. Basil goes with just about anything. 
• Spices: If you like a good stew, think about the flavors and add them. You'll be surprised how delicious this can be without meat.

What You Do

Put your onions and potatoes in a pot and saute them up until the onions are cooked nicely and the potatoes have been in there a while. Nothing has to brown or be overly cooked at this stage. Just a little soft and the onions being transparent. It will continue to cook as you add more stuff.

Add in the peppers and let them melt into the mixture - no need to thaw! But you could have if you were advanced thinking. Add in your Brussels sprouts and then your spice mix (I used the thyme, mesquite and paprika). Add a little salt, too, if you desire. dd about a cup of water, it will help get the bits off the bottom of the pot and it will be absorbed by everything. You can add more or less throughout the cooking process depending on how soupy you want it or stewy you want it.

I like strew.

I added some rice, too, because I had some. Really only came to about 1/2 a cup. Just what I had left over.

Once its all cooked up and you are pretty happy, add in your green beans add them now so they stay a little crunchy. You can continue to cook it down if you want. I kept mine so that the potatoes were still together but soft. The peppers and onions had all but dissolved and the spouts were tender.

When I put it in my bowl to serve, I added in the spinach and mixed that in. You could add it to the pot if you want to cook it down. If you aren't a fan of spinach, you could add it with the green beans and it will vanish into the strew.

I'm still not good at taking pictures of food like the other food people out there. I was also in my den and on a call when I took it. That's like an excuse. I also ate three bowls. 

What I love is the smokey flavor and the potatoes. The sprouts suck up all the flavor but give you a nice lump of texture like a tender piece of meat. No, it's not meat, but, it's very tender and substantial. The green beans are crunchy and remind me of carrots (which you could have used).  The peppers melt into it and give it a nice backdrop and the spinach - well, I love spinach. 

Lucky did come out of the bedroom but he was quite unhappy with what this was.

Invalid!

So, there I was filling out this form to have some stuff shipped to me and after filling out countless lines of data, the dreaded "YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!" pops up.

I scroll through everything and apparently I live in an invalid place.

Yes, I did fill out of the lines of data - just deleted them for the shot. 

I never felt so. . invalid.

This is how the robot apocalypse starts - because of our robot overloads, goods and services can no longer be provided at my place of lodgings. I can move into a human camp that is recognized or attempt to continue living through hunting and gathering.

Mail will be a thing of the past for me - the only communications will be electronic and those will be monitored.

My bank accounts will be drained due to my lack of a home address.

Food? I will be responsible for finding it - penniless, friends and family will be unable to find my invalid location.

Without a residence, I will be hunted by other humans who will be unable to extract taxes from my paycheck or, frankly, know how much to charge me.

. . .

Oh wait. . .

It went through.

Thing I Eat: Curried Noodles with Cilantro & Tomatoes

I needed some comfort food. If you remember, I had to breakup with Gourmet Garden spice tubes.

‘Cept ginger. Ginger is still vegan and contains no dairy. Why would you put dairy in basil, though? That's weird.

The breakup is going ok - I am trying to learn to love again. It’s hard. So, I will comfort myself with food – which is how people roll, I hear. 

Anyhow, my friend - Melissa from Texts with Melissa - loves these Dragon Noodles from Budget Bytes and I was like, “I also like noodles. And dragons!”

True story, I have five dragons in my apartment and I once started a rumor I was pregnant with dragons.

I do NOT like dragon noodles. Well, I would like them but my body doesn't. I don't like spicy things, either. But I do like noodles.

I decided I would make. . .this thing. Because I was craving curry and cilantro. And noodles. And this idea of making a type of dragon noodles with a curry flare seemed really like a good idea. What would they be called? Tiger noodles? Is there some type of classical animal that best sums up. . .the 10 million places curry is from?

I like tigers. 

What You Need

Love (All you need is love!)

Kidding. You need food. And water. And sunlight. And the Internet. . 

• Rice noodles: A favorite of mine. I don’t make the whole package for me. I used maybe a little under half for myself. I like the Tinkyada brand and my favorite has always been the fettuccine. I like broad, flat things.
• Tomato: I got one big tomato – sure you could use grape or cherry tomatoes. I’m not a big fan of raw tomato, but, today I was. Maybe I need more nightshade in my life - maybe more lycopene. If you didn't know, tomatoes are from the nightshade family (the same family that produces some deadly stuff) and contain lycopene which is good for you.
• Fresh cilantro: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who like cilantro and those who do not. I have no figured out if people are as divided on the issue of other parts of coriander which I believe is delicious. You could also use basil if you don't like or have cilantro.
• Spinach: Why not get some extra greens in there? I like to rip it up to get out my aggression.

Spices!

• Curry: I like Spice Islands because it’s in my cabinet. Curry is a blend of many spices and you can make you own. But, I'm a heart-broken gal with a need for noodles. I'm taking some shortcuts. Curry is normally made up of a blend of cumin, cardamom, coriander, turmeric, dry mustard and cayenne. Even if you use a pre-packaged type, you can blend it with more flavors.
• Garlic powder: Is there ever too much?
• Turmeric: I am a big fan of this flavor - I suggest only using this if you are prepared to have everything you love dyed yellow)
• Paprika: The spice of my people! I like the sweet type but you can use smoked or hot. Also, make sure you KNOW which one you have BEFORE you put it in anything. 
• Coriander: Not to be confused with cilantro which comes from the same plant.
• Salt: I like sea salt. Make sure you get some normal salt, too.

I don’t know what ratio I really use of all of these. I used a lot of curry and garlic. I used a modest amount of turmeric and paprika. Use less coriander. Salt is always to taste.

What You Do

Boil up your noodles and in the pot - also mix in half of the amount of curry, turmeric, garlic and coriander you have. Hell, throw in the paprika. I did. I want to season the noodles - I want the noodles to be the vehicle of hope and restoration in my soul. You could just boil up the noodles in plain water and add the spice mix after. I just like being a mad scientist mixing stuff and having these flavors in the noodles.

You could use a bullion, if you are shy about how I work – use a chicken or veggie bouillon cube and then add in the curry type stuff later. Seriously, play around with it.

Here’s a secret if you are on the fence about cilantro. Add the cilantro to your boiling noodles. It will infuse lightly with the noodles and be less intense. You can always add more for garnish and flare if you do like cilantro. I added some to my noodle water AND used it for garnish. I like the fresh pop of cilantro.

You can also add some spinach – remember when we had that thing on adding more veggies and fruit into your life? Add some spinach. I like using a food more than once in the cooking process – let’s be honest. A little cooked spinach and little raw spinach gives different textures and fun-ness.

Once the noodles are tender – drain and add them back into the pot. Yes, all that brew goes down the drain. You can save it. I don’t know who you are. I drained it. Do NOT rinse your noodles. You want the starch and flavor to remain. Turn off the heat, too, you don’t want to fry your noodles. Remember how I said don’t use turmeric unless you want everything to be yellow? Yeah, you’ll see that now if you used some. Don't worry, one day things won't be yellow.

Add in as much god-lovin’ spinach as you want. Mix it up. As a bonus, since your pot is still warm, the spinach should wilt a little. I ripped up a lot of spinach and folded it all in. Do the same with however much cilantro you want to use. Let it all sort of get warm in the hug of the noodles.

Cut up the tomato however you want (or if you have the baby ones, throw them in). I went with sort of strips - you could cube it or keep it in wedges, play around with it.  Then fold that in there. You could always break out the juice parts and mix that into your noodles if you have hope for the future. But, who has that kind of time? I got all my aggression out ripping up spinach. I wanted the texture of these tomatoes sitting on a warm bed of curried noodles with cilantro.

Fold all that together and season with a little more garlic or curry or salt - anything you need for your tastes buds to enjoy.

Then, sit back and watch Criminal Minds because the next noise you hear is probably going to be a serial killer who needs to steal your eyeballs! Sleep is for pansies!

Runners/Walkers/Bikers PSA

Ladies and gentlemen - if you are running/walking/biking alone and you find yourself isolated - meaning no

Medics work on someone found on the trail

one else is around - and someone is laying on the ground or gets close enough to ask you for help - go the other way.

Sure, this sounds like I'm the worst person in the world. But, I assure you, I have a method to my madness and a plan that will not leave an innocent person unprotected or unhelped!

Yes, of course, you take a step away and you call 911. Do not allow yourself to get close unless you are with someone else who can absolutely protect you if things go really bad. Ideally, you will just call 911 and not get into any situation.

Why? Because this is how predators attract their next victims.Ted Bundy always approached his victims in a sling asking for help - check out the Murderpedia if you don't believe me. Or check out your local trail news to find all the people who thought they were helping someone in need and got raped, kidnapped or murdered.

Get it? You can be a helpful, good, honest person while still keeping a healthy two-car length between you and ANYone else. Men, women, children. . .anyone.

Be Aware

And for heaven's sake - take an ear bud out. You're like a limping gazelle out there in your own world.

Be aware!

People, the world doesn't revolve around you - but predators do. They love that you run in your own world with the attitude that this is your time while you listen to your music and push through the day.

They love how you get tired. They love to trail you in your mental isolation until you are alone - and then they will strike.

What hope do you have of protecting yourself if you willfully blind yourself and remain unaware of the world around you? At the very least, be aware of those around you.

I'd be very sad if something happened to you.

Protect Yourself
Let's face it - if someone wants to attack you for any reason, s/he will succeed. The point of safety is to make a predator not want to attack you because it will be too difficult to get what s/he wants. You don't want to be an easy target and you want to be able to defend yourself effectively.

Here are some tips:

• Don't publicly post your running/walking/biking routes. It's popular to do so with things like RunKeeper or MapMyFitness to post your routes. Don't make these public, don't let people who you don't know access them. If anything, don't post them at all. Human tend to be creatures of habit and we also tend to run/walk/bike close to our homes - yep. Homes. Not a good thought - having a predator know you are out on a run and be waiting in your home?
• Build a team and run/bike/walk with someone. While this is not a fail-safe, having a second set of eyes and a second body makes you less likely to be a target. Also, should you have a bad fall or something, you got someone there to help you.
• Make sure someone knows where you are and when you should be done you workout. What if you broke your leg and no one knew where you were? You'd want someone to start looking for you before you are out there for a few days, you know? Just look up stories of hikers who got lost for days - it wasn't a fun time.
• Practice your defense. Many women I know carry Mace - often in a pink carrier - but few have ever fired it. Fewer still know it can expire. Fewer STILL can't even access it easily when running. If you are going to carry a weapon or tool should someone attack you, at least know how to use it. Practice some self-defense moves - boys and girls - or take a class once a year. If you have never hit someone, learn to hit someone. In a situation where someone is coming at you to hurt you, you want to be direct.

I'm a tiger of safely!

I was raised by someone in law enforcement, so, I was raised to think in terms of predators and victims. As an adult, when I want to protect myself, I try to think like someone who wants to do harm to someone else - that someone else being me. If I wanted to rape me or kill me, what would I do? I would check out the Internet, I would try to find locations, I would isolate and I would surprise.

The Story of Karl: Jello and Norse Mythology

I decided to do a video blog for this wonderful installment.A lot of people have been asking me about Karl.

For future reading:

• The Lay of Rig from The University of Pittsburg
• Wikipedia entry on Rígsþula
• What is Jelly Made Of?
• How Long is Does Jelly Last?

Things I Eat: Zuke Noodle Fettuccini

Seriously - who doesn't love avocado? Other than my aunt. And my coworker who is allergic. And. . .you know, a healthy amount of people.

I, however, love me some 'cado! Or, as I learned from Call the Midwife - alligator pears! Come on - that's such a cooler sounding thing. Alligator pears. It's like shark tomato or narwhal peaches  or. . . unicorn corn. .?

Avocado is a strangely versatile. .fruit or large berry, depending on how you want to make conversations awkward at your next cocktail party. Check out what the Wiki says:

The avocado (Persea americana) is a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel. Avocado or alligator pear also refers to the fruit, botanically a large berry that contains a single seed.

So, it's a large berry? The study of botanicals is fascinating!

What I Love
I love the richness and fattiness of avocado - fat and rich, is anything better? No. You need fat. Your body wants fat. Don't listen to people tell you otherwise.

I like how it is generally low in sugar and high in fiber. It's also a little powerhouse of vitamin C and vitamin B-6. It is also a very mild flavor so it blends well into smoothies or puddings. And margaritas.

Sure, I take supplements because of my whacked out life but when I can get good minerals and vitamins in me in the way God intended, I'm all for that.

Most people love guacamole and don't realize it's avocado.

Anyhow, add sweet to or salty or spicy to you 'cado and be happy!

I actually have found many uses for it. One of my favorites is . .well - sometimes an avocado with some sea salt is my lunch. It is sometimes the best thing I got going for me in the day.

Mm. 'Cado.

As someone who often misses out on "creamy" things because I can't have diary, egg, soy. . .fun. . .I found the avocado a great and healthy replacement. A lot of times, finding things I can eat involve a lot of weird chemicals and altered food. I like to avoid that. A lot.

Ok, let's get down to brass tacks and let's get some healthy junk in you with this creamy, dreamy pasta! Don't tell anyone - it's actually vegan. You can really use anything with the zuke noodles - they are a wonderful substitute for grain based noodles. What's a zuke noodle? A peeled zucchini - I'm lazy, I'm not going to say three syllables when I can say one.

What You Need

• 1 avocado (ripe)
• 1 zucchini (or zuke, as I call them)
• Olive oil
• Garlic powder
• Basil
• Sun-dried tomatoes
• Salt
• Optional: Red pepper flakes, tree nuts, tomato paste - dance moves.

What You Do
Wash the zuke (OMG, so dirty!) and use a vegetable peeler to peel it into strips. You can get some fancy things like a spiral veggie cutter or mandolin to make different texture of noodles. I like the fettuccine or pad thigh type noodles, so, a normal peeler works fine for me.

Sometimes I leave the "core" part which is where the seeds are and mostly all the water aside. Other times, I just peel the whole thing. It's all good and the added liquid helps blend everything.

I'm not going to tell you how to live.

Once you are done with peeling, just lay the peeled zuke noodles aside to dry a little, if you desire. Zuke doesn't really absorb flavors so, I let it be.

In another bowl, smash up your avocado and add your olive oil (helps turn it more creamy but not too much as you might need more later as you mix), garlic and salt - to taste. And anything else you might like - red pepper flakes for spice or basil. You could even add some tomato paste for extra amazing flavor.

I encourage flavor exploration. Maybe try a delicious flavored oil? Mmm.

Mix the zuke noodles (gently) with your avocado mixture. I normally add a little more flavored or straight up olive oil here to help.Add in your sun-dried tomato or other toppings as you see fit.

Toss some extra touches for your face-shoving pleasure and consume! I topped mine with some dried basil.

I promise I will get better at making things look appetizing - this dish can be a little on the bland side when it comes to color. Other than the nice strip of rich green from the zuke you can just do a Google search for "zucchini noodles" to find some other great (and artistic) recipes.

UPDATE! I did get better at it - here is another version of the same concept - zuke noodles and rice noodles together with garlic roasted grape tomatoes, fresh basil and pine nuts.

Other people who do it better (and in different styles) include:

Sarah Yates with her Zucchini Noodles with Pesto and Roasted Tomatoes

Janet M with her 5-Minute Zippy Garlic-Basil Marinara with Zucchini Noodles

Mary Miller with her Raw Zucchini Noodle “Pad Thai”

And, yes, everyone on the Internet takes better pictures of food and arranges it more artfully. I'm just a girl with a weird diet and a heart full of sloth!

And a bowl full of zuke fettuccini!

Special Edition: Noooo!!

I just learned - by looking at the label - that most of the Gourmet Gardens spice tubes contain MILK!!

Ginger is OK. Even on the site - and by my own checking - it states, "Only Gourmet Garden Ginger is suitable for ovo-vegetarians and vegans."

I am sad. So, if you can't have dairy by choice or construction - don't use these guys unless you check the label.

So, no more of my spice tube short cut.

Texts With Melissa: Giving Up

I now have a Part 3 to my Texts With Melissa Series - you can check out Part 1 and Part 2 on our own time.

What have we been up to? Well. . .

For anyone who thinks we are out of syn. . .let's take a closer look!

And that's how we do.

Things I Eat: Sweet Potato Burger

At some point, I had a mental shift in food preparation. Rather than looking for recipes, I started to smell and think about flavor and then blending those things together to see what would happen.

This is the core of how I eat.

I am a bad, accidental vegan. I think raw, vegan food is actually pretty good and easy.

But, sometimes it’s hard to find food that I can eat, even if it is vegan. I mean, I can’t do wheat or soy. . .or beans. Or. ..cranberries. . . yeast.

I recently discovered sweet potatoes. Like most people I know, this was a Thanksgiving Day type dish that was boiled and mashed with maple syrup, marshmallows, butter and loads of brown sugar.

I also had sweet potato fries – which might have been yams, but, in America, who knows. WHO KNOWS!

Yam and sweet potatoes can be eaten raw. Sweet potato is dense and slightly sweet. It works super-well with a little salt (to bring out the sweet) and garlic. I thought to myself, wouldn't this make a delicious burger? And I looked on the Internet to see what people do with the term “Yam Burger.”

Then I was like – this looks like it takes a lot of work. So I came up with my own take on the yam burger which involves less blending the yam into a patty.

I also thought about what flavors I like when I eat a burger – garlic, salt, basil. What about a kick of red pepper? BOOM. I headed to the store.

My real problem was the bun – I wanted a bread. That’s part of what makes a burger so delicious, the squishy, dry kick of a nice bun. I need to avoid wheat – the rice bread I have had sucks – and I didn't want something so dense like a Mestemacher Fitness Bread. So, I got this oat bread. It really is made of wheat – you always got to check the label – but it was vegan so I knew I was avoiding dairy, at least.

I figured I could do one bun and be able to handle the yeast and wheat. I was right. 

You probably don't have that problem. So..any bun will do!

Mostly Raw Vegan Sweet Potato Burger with Jicama Fries

What You Need

• 1 sweet potato (pick a fat one, not a skinny one)
• 1 jicama (hick-a-ma)
• 1 red pepper
• Spinach
• Bread or a roll
• Olive oil
• Sea salt
• Basil (dried or fresh)
• A couple garlic cloves (or garlic powder)
• Spices – whatever you like: Oregano, chili powder, turmeric, onion powder, pepper, paprika – or nothing else!
• Fresh chives (I had some on hand, they add a fresh flavor, but, totally optional)

Do This

• Skin the yam and cut out a “patty” sized chunk from the center. (It’s actually easier to cut it THEN peel the patty). If you aren't full of sloth, warm up a pan with some olive oil and cook the yam for about two minutes on each side - not too much, though, you want it firm/raw in the middle for the right texture. Season with a little garlic powder (I like garlic) and salt. Or, just season the raw yam if you enjoy sloth as much as me.
• Take you jicama and peel off the skin – it is NOT delicious or editable and might be toxic when ingested. Cut it up into French fry looking things. Coat with olive oil, salt and garlic (and whatever other spices you might like – turmeric if you want yellow fingers – or basil, whatever!) and pop into a toaster oven at 400 to warm. You can keep it in there as long (until it burns) or short as you want. I like it slightly warm.
• Take the red pepper, a clove or two of garlic (the more you use, the spicier it will taste), the basil and any other spices you like and put it in a blender. Add olive oil  and blend that stuff in a food processor. You can make it as chunky or smooth as you would like.
• Take your yam patty and pop it between the bread, get a nice scoop of red pepper salsa stuff on the top. Shove some spinach in there, too. Taste your jicama and add whatever you want and then go to town getting it into your mouth.

Left over yam? Whoa! Peel it with your peeler into strips to make a yam salad – just throw in some spinach, garlic powder, olive oil and maybe basil and eat it for lunch!

Good Morning (With Manda)

Since I have been with my lover – I have been texting him "Good Morning [inset pet name here]" almost every weekday. I do it when I get to my desk at work – that’s the procedure. Get to desk, text Bob.

Yes, I have procedures.

And, yes, we do NOT live together so I don't see him in the morning. When I do, I'm sure I will still text him when I get to my desk because - everyone now - that's the procedure.

Anyhow, lately, some people have been asking me about this list and the sum total of names. I suppose you can count them. But, I guess more of the interest was the types of names.

So, here is a current-ish list of names I have called Bob. Enjoy!

• #hashtag.
• …?
• …I’m really tired…
• 366.
• Ace.
• Adorable artifact.
• Afternoon.
• Albuquerque Turkey.
• Alfio Luparas.
• Alouette.
• Altruistic albino aardvark.
• Amorsote.
• Angel eyes.
• Animal crackers.
• Aurora bob-realis.
• Babe.
• Bacon slice of love.
• Bacon to my scramble!
• Baked Alaska.
• Balls Out Boy (BOB).
• Banksy Boo.
• Beach bunny.
• Beauteous balterer.
• Beaver fever.
• Bed buddy.
• Beef cake.
• Bee's knees.
• Bellissimo.
• Beloved.s
• Best guy ever.
• Betroved.
• Big pimping.
• Biking Barron.
• Bikini bridge.
• Binky winkey.
• Biscuit.
• Blazing Bob.
• Blessed one.
• Bob and beans.
• Bob Bebop.
• Bob Burgundy.
• Bob diggidy
• Bob Fu Panda.
• Bob in the box.
• Bob pot pie.
• Boba Ganoush.
• Bob-afett.
• Bob-aloney sandwich.
• Bobbity Cricket.
• Bob-cake.
• Bob-cat.
• Bob-iker.
• Bobledore.
• Bob-man.
• Bob-ooze cruise.
• Bobosiedon, Ruler of the Bobcean.
• Bob-sational sandwitch.
• Bob-some guy (like awesome but with Bob).
• Bone daddy.
• Bongo Bob.
• Boo.
• Boogey Woogey Monster Foot.
• Boo-kins.
• Boop.
• Bouncy.
• Brometheus.
• Bubbles.
• Bucking bronco.ss
• Bunny hop.
• Bunting.
• Burger Boy.
• Burger.
• Buster McThunderstruck.
• Butter bean.
• Buttercup.
• Buttery croissant.
• Cake monster.
• Canadian bacon.
• Candy cane.
• Candy striper of lover.
• Captain cool.
• Celebration chief.
• Centenarian.
• Cert champ.
• Champ.
• Chariots of fire.
• Cheek pinch.
• Cheetah breath.
• Chef of Love.
• Chia seed.
• Chicken dinner.
• Chinese finger trap.
• Chinken wing.
• Chitty-Chitty Bob-Bob.
• Chocolate chip bacon cookie.
• Chocolate strawberry.
• Christmas elf.
• Col. Mustard.
• Cotton tail.
• Cowboy.
• Cuddle monster.
• Cupcake.
• Curry powder of love.
• Cuttlefish.
• Daffodil.
• Dairy-free dandy.
• Daley-Duke.
• Dandy-lion!
• Danger squirrel.
• Danish Hammer.
• Dark chocolate cherry.
• Dear heart sweet tart.
• Delicious strip-steak.
• Devastating handsome gentleman caller. 
• Devilish dude.
• Didgeridoo.
• Dirty boy.
• Dirty tango.
• Don’t have a funny GM in me today.
• Dove tail.
• Dr. Love.
• Dragon fart.
• Dream boat.
• Dryer sheet.
• Ducky.
• Dumpling.
• Ear wax.
• Electric waffle dude.
• Elliptical machine.
• Espresso shot.
• Fancy pants.
• Favorite palindrome.
• Favorite voodoo.
• Fearless funk-master.
• Feisty fiancée.
• Fiddle-le-dee.
• Fiesta cracker.
• Fiesta pants.
• Fire breathing rubber duck.
• Flex-fever.
• Flexing flex-dayer.
• Flitterwoken fellow.
• Flying Marshmallow.
• Flying Pig dude.
• Free radical fighter.
• French toast mafia boss.
• Fruit ninja.
• Fuel efficient mac-daddy.
• Funky broadway.
• Funky cold medina.
• Funny Valentine.
• Futzputz.
• Fuzzy muffin logic.
• Fuzzy weiner.
• Fuzzy winker-bean.
• Garden gnome.
• Gazelle.
• Gentleman caller.
• Getting swamped.
• Gilbertsville Gentleman.
• Glockenspiel.
• Glorious gaiter.
• Goose.
• Gorilla James.
• Grape seed.
• Grenadine.
• Grumpy pants.
• Gumdrop.
• Guy who creates impulse control issues.
• Hallmark.
• Handsome falafel.
• Heat master.
• Heaven eleven.
• Hercules.
• Hoboken.
• Hodge-podge McDodge.
• Holiday ham.
• Holy roller.
• Honey bear.
• Honey-hiney.
• Hot almond latte.
• Hot Bob toddy.
• Hot cake.
• Hot chilly pepper.
• Hot tamale.
• Hound to my fox.
• Hunk.
• Idaho Spud.
• Inamorato.
• Inspector Page.
• Itchy-itch.
• Jackalope.
• Jambalaya Jones.
• Jelly donut of love.
• Jive turkey.
• Jolly cholly.
• Juju bean.
• Jumbo java juice.
• Karma Chameleon.
• Kayak king.
• King kangaroo.
• Kissy face.
• Kitten whiskers.
• Kung pow kitten.
• Ladybug.
• Led Zeppelin.
• Lickety split.
• Love button.
• Love infusion.
• Love nub.
• Love of my life.
• Lover.
• Lucky's bro.
• Lunging liger.
• Macaroni lollipop.
• Magnificent miler.
• Main squeeze.
• Mango tart.
• Manly monster mash.
• Man-tiger.
• Masculine plum fairy.
• Master of the railroad.
• McDirty.
• Mean, lean love machine.
• Mensch.
• Mi amor.
• Microbino mio.
• Mighty midget kicker.
• Milkshake.
• Missouri Fox Trotter.
• Mo-bro.
• Mon chou.
• Monkey buttZ.
• Moose knuckles.
• Mr. Clean.
• Mr. Fantastic.
• Mr. MaGoo.
• Mr. Pibb.
• Mr. Rex.
• Muffin man.
• Next-in-line.
• Night hawk.
• Noodle.
• Nunchuck Nancy.
• Nurse.
• Octopus pants.
• Off the heezy fosheezy.
• Offspray.
• OMG am I going to die?
• OMG THERE'S A COCKROACH HERE snugglepuss.
• One maned wolf.
• Pancake badger. 
• Pants-ripping balls of steal man prize.
• Papacito bonito Diablo.
• Party pants.
• Party potato.
• Passionate passacaglia.
• Peanut butter to my jelly.
• Pecan.
• Penny candy.
• Peppercorn.
• Petals of fury.
• Phoenix Found.
• Pickle.
• Pico de guy-o.
• Pièce de résistance.
• Pink fairy armadillo.
• Plow king.
• Plum dumpling.
• Plum tomato.
• Polar man-tex.
• Polka Pete.
• Pomegranate.
• Pookie.
• Poppet.
• Potluck.
• Poultry seasoning.
• Pound puppy.
• Prince charming.
• Prism Steno.
• Professor Snodgrass.
• Queen-o.
• Radish.
• Rainbow sprinkles.
• Raindrop.
• Rip van Winkle.
• Road bandit.
• Road tiger.
• Road warrior.
• Rock captain.
• Rosebud.
• Rough rider.
• Rubber baby buggie bumper baby.
• Rubber puck.
• Rug rat.
• Salted peanut.
• Salty Pancetta.
• Sassy pasta.
• Sassy pickle.
• Sassy sir.
• Schnuckiputzi.
• Scrabble master.
• Sexy man.
• Sexy rumpus.
• Sexy-monster.
• Shinny penny.
• Shower lofa.
• Skilled la-bob
• Skip to my Bob.
• Slice of sexy.
• Slim jimma.
• Slizzard.
• Smooch fest.
• Snack cracker.
• Snickerdoodle.
• Snoutfair.
• Snow bank.
• Snow bunny.
• Snuggle doodle.
• Son of a pitcher of beer.
• Soup flu fighter.
• Soup-A-Star.
• Space man.
• Spaghetti monster.
• Spanky.
• Speed limit slim.
• Spice glider.
• Sprinkles.
• Squirrel of joy.
• Squirt.
• Stallion.
• Steak sauce.
• Steak-man.
• Steamy-dreamy gentleman 
• Sticky-fingers
• Stopit.
• Stud puffin.
• Sugar bear.
• Sugar honey ice tea.
• Sugar Plum.
• Sunshine.
• Superconducting supercollider.
• Superman.
• Supporter if MLK day.
• Sweet pear half in your own heavy syrup.
• Sweet sauce.
• Tasty cake.
• Tator-tot
• Terrific two.
• Texas toast.
• The Cure.
• Thee of bright and noble fame.
• Thunder gangstaz.
• Tiger pants.
• Tight end titillator.
• Tiny dancer.
• Tittliewinks.
• Tizight
• Toasted coconut.
• Toaster strudel.
• Toots Magoots.
• Triple Salchow.
• Tufted titmouse.
• Tutti frutti fresh and fruity.
• Twinkle toes.
• Twofer.
• u’Tranquill.
• Uber-ultimate man-friend.
• Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man.
• Water bear.
• Water master.
• Water wizard.
• Wenceslas.
• Wikipedia Bob.
• Wild mongoose.
• Winky-dink.
• Work horse.
• Yummy yum.
• Zesty.
• Zeus toots.

And that is what you get with me.

Special Edition: Adrenal Update: Most Important Thing

If I could tell people one thing about adrenal conditions, what would it be?

I have spent countless conversations explaining my everyday life – pains, fatigue, throwing up, brain fog, muscle pains, organ pains, shortness of breath – mostly people politely listen or give me the deer-in-the-headlights look and try to sympathize. It’s a rare disorder with only about 1 in 100,000 people getting and official diagnosis of it (that's for Addision's Disease, other conditions aren't recognized as real).

It’s one of those things that, I believe, require you to go through it to truly understand on that level. Most of my arguments, complaints and pleas have focused on the symptoms and the life of it moment to moment because that’s often how I have to live.

Maybe, I am being too honest. I’m like Chris Hatfield to explain living on the International Space Station to someone who has never been there. He can talk about life up there, loneliness, excitement, his day-to-day and even the return and the issues and successes. I will never understand. None of us will.

Well, unless you go to space. I won't. I'm assuming a lot here.

What You Need To Know
What is the most important thing to know – what do I wish everyone could know?

It is isolation.

By definition, it is being an island. It’s being alone. I am alone in this. There is no one to talk to. There is no one to share stories or success or hope or depression with. There is me sitting alone watching these waves of other people’s lives go by and watching the sun race across the sky.

During a crash, it is shutting down my ability to move, to think, to feel all for the sake of staying alive. Inside me is the desperate want to connect and to experience without any ability to do so.

If you want to get artistic – I felt on So You Think You Can Dance, Kupono & Kayla dance to Sara Bareilles's "Gravity"  was a beautiful interpretation of the feelings. Even though the song speaks more of a dysfunctional relationship rather than organ failure – I do know I am attached to this condition and will be for the rest of my life – but I wish I wasn’t.

It is isolation.

Not anti-social. Not introverted. Isolation. There are no feelings in isolation. There is no peace. There is nothing. No happiness, no sadness, no experience, no connection. It’s minutes, hours, days of nothing. It’s being in a waking coma when you know and can see everything around you but you can’t be apart of it.

You can talk to me. You can invite me places. You can offer kind words. I must stop myself from feeling them. Every shred of life that touches me hurts and prolongs the need for isolation.

I once said it was like trying to be Zen – but that’s misleading. The isolation is not Zen like. It’s not a meditative peace. It is, first, an inability to feel. It is, second, knowing if you do feel, it will hurt. It is, third, a need to feel.

I once wrote:

I feel like I am vanishing, caught under the click-clack of each decision I have made, caught by my throat against the smooth movement of reality.

If I could tell people one thing about adrenal conditions it is that it is isolation from being human when all you are is human.

Progress
I am hanging in there. The pain has been reduced, but, it’s still there. The stress of work related things next to the wedding things and next to just functioning on the daily is not really giving me a break. But, I am trying.

I have been more vocal about it and have been met with the main reactions I am always met with:

• Somewhat bullying humor about how easy I must have it.
• Loud announcements of my inabilities during conversations.
• Disbelief of situation and requirement of official proof.
• Suggestions of weird items to fix the solution - like yoga.

As far as symptoms –

• I don’t feel like I have a mouthful of blood so much. More like soap and metal.    
• The pain is crippling far less. I had a moment when it struck and I know I visibly showed it since someone was talking to me but I was able to sit and sort of pretend I was being rude. 
• The constant lack of homeostasis has been reduced to hour or so stretches per day. The doctor gave me 10 pills of an anti-anxiety medication which I need to try out. 10 pills means if it really works, I will have to ration for only really bad days. I don’t want to take something for the symptoms so much – I want to nip this in the butt of the offender for a true solution!

I have had some good days – I saved up my energy for them. The tough times are really tough. I can rest for a couple of days and have one really good day – then back to crappy. I feel like I will have less and less days to rest as time goes on.

Yep. I just feel. . .isolated.

Image Credit:
Isolation from Etymonline.com
Dancing image from group.mtime.com

Things I Eat: Sweet Freedom Bakery

This is a special edition of Things I Eat!

I have a lot of issues with food. It's not the foods fault - it's totally mine. It can be hard to find places I can eat without fear or taking a risk which normally ends badly. But, girl's gotta eat! And I'm not the only one out there.

So. . .I went to Sweet Freedom Bakery (granted, a couple weeks ago) which is a:

• Corn free
• Dairy free
• Egg free
• Gluten free
• Kosher
• Peanut free
• Refined sugar free
• Soy free
• Vegan

Bakery.

Oh, you think this sounds like eating cardboard? How can your life be full without dairy or soy? Feast your eye on these two Samoa cupcakes – which is a vanilla cupcake stuffed with chocolate ganache, slathered with vanilla frosting, stacked with toasted coconut flakes and drizzled with chocolate and caramel syrup.

Oh, you think I got two because my man-friend came along with me? No. He was back at home doing whatever he had to do – this was my time. I did think it was cute they gave me a fork. Like I was going to use a fork. . .hahah. . sure. . it helps me share. . .hahaha

While stuffing my face, I did manage to get this picture. . .amazing because I slammed these guys into my face. I think the delightful Jasmine (baker working there) asked if I wanted a glass of water and I responded as if I was doing something dirty by cuddling the cupcakes to me in the fetal position and snarling. She laughed. Nervously.

If you never had a delight like this in your life – I strongly suggest it. As someone who can’t eat most of the food God provided for us on this earth, this is a unique find and probably the reason I will get super fat in the next few months.

For you who CAN eat anything, this is a real wake-up call to your taste buds.

If you eat one of these suckers, you’ll immediately taste the difference in the jolt of sweetness that melts into a delightful base of pure vanilla (vanilla, not store bought crap-nilla) that then tangos with coconut before finishing with the Chippendale of chocolate telling you how attractive and smart you are – and then doing a little dance.

Locations are only in PA and NJ if you want to drop in one day:

Sweet Freedom Bakery
1424 South Street
Philadelphia, PA 19146
(215) 545-1899

Sweet Freedom Bakery
577 Haddon Avenue
Collingswood, NJ 08108
(856) 869-SFB2

Sweet Freedom Bakery
1039 W. Lancaster Avenue
Bryn Mawr, PA 19010
(610) 527-SFB3

Don’t worry people who can't get to these locations easily, they deliver!

Things I Eat: Roasted Broccoli and Potato

Shut. The front door.

Want to eat more veggies? Hold the phone and read on to discover the beauty that is fuel for your mind, body and spirit! How about a tango of taste-bud joyfulness that’s packed with super-more green stuff than. .well . .other things.

I have no idea what to call it. I just make it. I don't name stars in the sky and I don't name things that silence me because I shove them in my mouth at an alarming rate.

What You Need

• Red bliss potatoes: How many people are you feeding? I used about a pound? Maybe. I eat a lot. Red bliss is also my favorite. I find them more flavorful. But, you could use other types.
• Broccoli: I used one pound of the frozen floret type from Trader Joes. I can eat a pound on my own. 
• Red pepper: I used one large red pepper.
• Spinach: A lot. Like. A lot. 
• Tomato paste: About 1/4 cup or more.
• Basil: Dried or fresh. I like both but I only used dried this time.
• Olive oil: Everyone's friend. 
• Garlic: Everyone's other friend.

What You Do
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

First, chop up the potatoes into bite-sized chunks and toss with some garlic and olive oil. Put on a foiled baking sheet and pop it into the oven. On another sheet, lay out the frozen broccoli on a foiled baking sheet and into the oven it goes, too. Why two baking sheets, 'cause it didn't all fit on to one.

If you use fresh or thawed broccoli, it will take a shorter time to cook, too.

Anyhow, roast all that up for about 25-30 minutes. You want the potatoes to start browning and the broccoli to start getting those delightful caramelized bits on the florets.

While all that is cooking, get out your food processor. You are going to use about 8 cups of raw spinach and a bit of olive oil and process that stuff up. Spinach reduces fairly quickly so you can eyeball it. You want to have enough to coat the potatoes and broccoli. Maybe just under a cup when all processed. Season in the processor with dried basil or just put in basil leaves.

Transfer your spinach puree to a bowl where you will eventually mix everything. Fold in some of that tomato paste. I used about 1/4 cup. You can do this to taste. The tomato paste will also give it a nice thickness and richness. You can season with salt or basil - remember, this coats everything so if you are tasting, this should be a little intense.

Chop up your red pepper - it should be raw because it will add a nice crunch. Add this to the spinach puree.

When the potatoes and broccoli are done, add them into the mixture. You know, mix it up. Serve!

Yes, this is vegan. Yes, this is awesome. Plus, because you blended the spinach, you are getting even more great veggies in every bite! The garlic potatoes will give you a nice, soft texture, the red peppers that sweet burst of crunch, the broccoli will surprise you with warmth and bits of caramelized greatness and the tomato paste will mellow everything as if it was butter!

This is a health-bomb you can eat all day! Loaded with all good things - no guilt, just amazingness!

Makeup on my Faceup

I don’t wear a ton of makeup but I do enjoy playing around with it and I like getting foxed-out when I have a fancy place to go. Or on a weekend.

I look a lot different on the weekends then when at work - on both ends of that spectrum. Either really dumpy or really foxy.

Or. . .attempted foxy.

I recently decided I am not in love with the makeup routine I have and I wanted to try some different things. Often, I operate in a vacuum without any advice from anyone who keeps in step with makeup products or trends. A lot of time, retail people are not super-helpful, either.

When I see pictures of myself - I'm cool with not looking done up. There are a lot of of pictures of my naked face around. However, when I know I tried to use some makeup and look like I didn't even try - that's a problem.

I took of myself and I was horrified because I am wearing makeup and I look destoryed!

As a wise woman once told me - You know when you feel real crappy, you should try to dress up more to make yourself at least feel a little better on the outside.

So, I looked at what I currently use and why:

• ProActiv (original wash, toner & moisturizer): I have acne and bad skin, in general. This really helps and I have even been using the toner on my chest and back (skin, bad!) with great results. You can read my take on this wonderful product by reading my Try Proactiv post.
• Boots No7: I used an eye cream. It wasn't great. It was very watery and I didn't notice any difference. I often don’t use any eye cream or moisturizer because I have oily skin that takes care of itself AND nothing does anything. I think they are all lies. Yet, I feel better when I use one like a real adult. 
• Trader Joe's Nourish Antioxidant Facial Serum: I don’t know. It was $10 and I use it all over my face and it made my skin smooth. I actually used it with the No7 eye cream all over my face because the eye cream was so watery. Basically, I don't always use products correctly.
• NARS Smudge Proof Eyeshadow Base: I found primer is a remarkable thing! Everyone should use it. It keeps stuff on your face. I like this one because it is not tinted - it is also in a tube like a mascara tube so it fits into my little cup of stuff nicely.
• Stila Consealer: I have used their stuff for ages even though I am still pretty self-conscience about my dark eye circles. I guess feeling like I am doing something is better than doing nothing. It's very thick and sometimes I apply it with a moisturizer -  like the Boots stuff - to make it easier on my skin.
• L'Oreal Paris Infallible Eye Shadow (Bronzed taupe): I wanted to stick to darker, smokey type colors. I use to use the L'Oreal Paris HiP Studio Secrets Professional Metallic Shadow Duo line, but, I can’t find my colors anymore. I liked the two colors together in one little pack. Once I ran out of the lighter color, I just used the darker one on my whole eye and that’s why I just bought another, single dark shade. 
• Maybelline 'Great Lash' Mascara: It always been the one I use. I’m ok with it. Normally, I have it so long it runs out and I don’t notice. Good? No. It is a cult favorite.

That’s about it. Anyhow, I figured it’s time to maybe look into a tinted moisturizer since I’m getting older and something. .better. I don’t like my dark circles, I don’t like how my eye shadow fades or ends up under my eye. I feel like I lack eye definition and everything looks tired and dark.

Which is, incidentally, how I feel about life 95% of the time.

By the way, I put my makeup on almost solely by my hands. I know there are 5 billions brushes and reasons NOT to do this - probably so the beauty industry can make more money for the 500 brushes you need to purchase with the makeup you buy - but I do it with my hands. I think I only use a brush for gel eyeliner and blush (which I don't often use).

Yep. I'm hands on, baby.

New Makeup
I ended up going to Blue Mercury which I had never been to before to check out what they got. I am always nervous about asking the retail people for help.

Most of the time, they are selling a specific brand or item on commission or they don’t know anything about what works. Sometimes, they don’t even ask questions. I don’t know – I’m shopping for makeup because I’m self-conscience and I need some help, right?

The lady's there were so sweet and helpful. Sure, some stuff didn't work out but when I came back they helped me out and got me back on the right track. Excellent!

Concealer
First up. I need something for those dark circles. I felt bad being disloyal to Stila  . .but. . then again, not really. I figured I might as well be open to everything. That's a lie. I don't like to use powder - even to set things - but I do have some. I have used a little under my eye to help the concealer out. I'm not sure it makes any difference other than getting into my eyes at odd times.

They ended up giving me this Bobbi Brown concealer but instead of both of them, just the correcter, I think. It made me look like I had white paint under my eye. I returned it

During my return, they showed me Trish McEvoy Eye Base Essentials which was a lot smoother and creamery than the Stila stuff I was using. Sometimes, I feel the concealer pulling on my skin when I put it on.

Urg.

However, I found the Trish stuff was a super-awesome concealer for me and I do notice a difference. It won't do much for the eye bags of depression, but, it does good with the dark circles of fatigue.

There is a whole "triangle of light" you are suppose to use with this - some type of technique. . .but, I'm good with using my fingers to smear it on my dark spots.

Foundation
They suggested a tube of Clinique Stay-Matte Oil-Free Makeup.

I thought I would return it because I wanted a tinted moisturizer, not an actual foundation. I felt rage. I felt cheated.

OH THE HUMANITY!

But mixing it with my ProActiv moisturizer worked just fine!

I was amazed how well it blended and how it didn't look like I had anything on – yet, gave me some coverage. It didn't feel heavy or weird on my skin, which is why I generally avoid any foundations. I can tap a little extra under my eyes and on my face explosions.

Really impressed with how it blends. I do rub it all down my neck and under my jaw line, but, seriously, super easy and nice. While I apply this with my hands in a very unprofessional and face-rubbing way, I do have the proper brush and if I needed to be really fancy I would use it on the brush by itself and no moisturizer for extreme coverage.

God help the world when that day comes.

Eyeshadow

For a new eyeshadow – well, I ended up going on impulse and getting something that sounded cool from Wallgreens or CVS or something.

I had been looking at this tattoo stuff because tattoo is a cool word so I bought the Maybelline Eye Studio Color Tattoo Eyeshadow. I have never, ever used a cream based eye shadow.

I am in love.

Deep, deep love.

Like, why didn't someone tell me about cream eye shadows before? It solves like 100% of my problems!

I don’t have to deal with the color dropping on my cheek or falling under my eye to enhance my dark circle. The color is also rich, so, I don’t have to layer and layer and layer to get a hint of color. It lasts all day and comes off pretty easily with my CVS makeup wipes.

I’m in love.

If Maybelline discontinues this line, I am going to take my heartbreak to Twitter.

I have the Gold Rush, Barely Branded (great highlight or by itself) Inked in Pink (which I wear a lot) and Bad to the Bronze (which I also wear almost everyday but more so than the pink).

The eyeshadow does blend well and you can use a powder shadow over it. I used the tattoo gold with my black powder eyeshadow once.

Mascara
Time for a new one! I ended up getting Maybelline Illegal Length Mascara which has fibers and stuff. I was worried about the fibers and about how fast it would dry. I have not seen a lot of fiber just flying around - or ended up on my cheeks.

I thought the Great Lash type dried the fastest around and I always had lines where my eyelashes touched my cheeks.

It gives my lashes a nice boost and I am really happy with it. I normally only use one coat of mascara for my everyday - I have tried a couple coats of this to see when it would be a problem and haven't come across any. I think this is a good find for me!

Eyeliner (Reboot!)

I stopped using eyeliner because of my dark circles – I felt it was more blackness that fell under my eyes.

YES I HAVE A COMPLEX.

I got back into using what I had – which is a nub of a pencil. I don’t know. It’s black and has a smugger at the end.

I started using my Infallible Lacquer Liner 24H gel eyeliner which isn't as hard to apply as one might think. It’s a little easier than a pencil. I use it on weekends and when I am feeling sassy. I like a good eyeliner, I said I couldn't love eyeliner anymore because of my face problems.

No more!

Lipstick
First, I always hated lipstick. I basically eat my lips (I believe it is scientifically called Morsicatio buccarum but it falls under the excoriation disorder spectrum but it generally an OCD thing).

Ok, I am in love with a bold, red lip right now. I mean, not at work. Just, in my personlz life. It doesn't stop me from biting my lips totally - it does make me think about not doing it. Then I have a nibble while I'm thinking about thinking about biting my lip or not biting my lip.

I wear Revlon Matte Lipstick, Really Red -  I think. Mine is in a red tube and I can't find that. And I'm took lazy to look for the tube.

For work, I ended up picking up a soft pink for my lips. Again, too lazy to go look at what it is. I'm sure it's Revlon.

The color is just a little something to balance out my face. I don't ever reapply, so, by the end of the day it's all gone - but that red lip is a favorite these days outside of work.

So, this is what I look like now when I am at work. The lighting isn't awesome but I think you can see I am wearing makeup - but not too much. I have on the pink shade of eye shadow which is soft and a little shimmery. I got a compliment on it, already!

Here is what I look like with my red lip and gold tattoo eye shadow!

Lesson Learned
It's not totally about vanity, though I do love vanity. It's about using your time and resources in the best way possible. When it came to my face, I just wasn't happy. This little adjustment - which was mostly experiments that did work out - really gave me a nice boost! I feel better, I feel like I'm not wasting my time or spinning my wheels.