Obligatory Birthday Post: Part 1

I had a birthday.

Pretty exciting. I was given six months to live back in 2007, so, hitting 35 seems like an accomplishment. Yep, my 35 years of existence pretty much can be summed up as a victory because I didn't die.

I'm not big into my birthday. I find it sort of embarrassing and self-serving and a little ridiculous. Because of this fact, I really never had a good birthday even when I attempt to put an effort into it. 

It's not that I don't appreciate people or stuff - I just really, really hate celebrating myself for no reason other than I am alive. It's awkward. I am also awkward. I actually had the same views toward my own wedding. Something about the "center of attention" type things. 

Birthday are awkward for me. I'm just going to use this post to point out how well I have kept it together for 35 years. Since my first birthday - when I spit out my first taste of cake. 

Food & Cake

I can't eat 80% of what God has provided for us on this earth. So, going out for a snazzy surprise dinner will never happen. Ok, it happens. If it's a surprise, I'm going to be surprised at the salad selection and if someone asks me where I want to go, it means I have to figure out where people like to go and then email the restaurant to see if there is something I can eat. Or eat the house salad.

I also can't eat 100% of items put into a normal cake. There will probably be a cake put in front of me with someone saying, "You can eat it" or "You can scrape that off." I mean, people like going out with me on my birthday because you get that dessert with the candle in it and everyone gets to eat it.

And. . .why did you set the food on fire? Think about it. We celebrate by setting food on fire.

Food, cake - the fabric of society - it's a painful, work intensive spectacle for me. And that's also true on my birthday.

This year, though. I'm buying myself a Sassy Ginger Molassie from the Happy Girl Cookie Company and saying, "Happy birthday to you, friend," while I eat it. 

Singing

The everyone staring while someone lights something I can't eat on fire. 

Gift Issue

I am always mortified when someone gives me gifts when I cannot reciprocate. I have really been working on it and I think most people don't realize how bad it feels for me. Everyone is staring at you as you open something and you better like it and be grateful. 

One year - many years ago - I set up an Amazon wish list where I put all this stuff I need and/or want. I originally did it to bookmark stuff I was saving up for to but when birthdays and other holidays come up where giving gifts is normal, I would direct people to it. 

The overwhelming response was, "I didn't want to get you something off the list because then it wouldn't be a surprise."

Now, I get random stuff with cats on it. I actually have never bought a single thing for myself with a cat on it. Ever. I don't like things with cats on them. I like cats. I just don't decorate with their likeness. 

Age

As a female, it is assumed my age is some type of expiration date on societies acceptance. "You're old now!" or "25 again? LOLZ." Society, for women, is still stacked to show any signs of age or aging as a bad thing. I just cannot logically make this work in my own head. I suppose whenever someone says something about age or aging, the logical response should be, "I wish I was lucky and dead instead of this age!"

I'm 35. Next year I will be 36. This my age.

It's cool. 

Conclusions

Birthdays. I don't get 'em. But, it does make my Mom happy and that's worth it in the long run.