Oct 22, 2014

Smoothie Bar

I am sure this should be a "Things I Eat" situation, but, I have been getting a lot of questions - and comments - about me and my smoothies. My weirdly colored, everyday consuming smoothies. So, I'm making an entry!

Smoothies – the health trend of stability! Why eat your fruits and veggies, when you can drink them? Get horrible tasting veggies into you by masking them with fruits you don’t think are totally nasty!

I let people know my smoothies are things I like to consume and my body gives me all the good signals when I drink it – from tasting good to not turning my digestive tract into Satan’s dirty laundry basket.



Why I Drink Smoothies

S: It's great to see so many people detoxing and drinking smoothies.
A: This isn't a health trend, this is how I eat normally.

I started drinking smoothies a long time ago when I was having a lot of problem eating food. I actually started with a juicer and then ended up moving into using an emulsifier (I use a NutriBullet) because I wanted to eat all the good stuff, not extract only the liquid.

I continue to drink smoothies because they are really a delightful way to get a lot of good stuff in you. They are easy to transport, easy to make, cheap.. .all the things I like in life. I also can always get one down even when I am feeling sick, not hungry - all that jazz. I have never had a smoothie upset my tummy. That's for sure.

By the way, most smoothies don't look like Pintrest. Seriously. A good blend looks like mud or brown or bad. Maybe don't put it in a clear container - that'll help.

The Problems with Smoothies
The major problem with people and smoothies really doesn't have much to do with either. It has to do with the health industry

Yes, it's an industry designed to convince you of problems and provide magical solutions. It's the foundation for almost every industry.

The health industry pretty much owns a cut of every talk show and fake-doctor show. Sure, some of the advice is solid, but, if it was as easy as all these crash diets and using the word "detox" as much as possible. everyone would be happy.

The health industry is set up to make money which means it needs YOU, average human, to fail as much as possible.

And smoothies are a great way to do it.

Consuming Lies
Most smoothies out there are part of "detox diets." And lies.

First – you can “detox” by drinking something. Only two (arguably three) organs actually remove toxins – the kidney, liver and lungs. Your digestive tract is one long tube from mouth to anus that food slips down so your body can remove the stuff it wants. The remainder is poop – the stuff your body can’t use. Meanwhile, your kidney and liver are removing stuff in your blood that your body no longer needs – good or bad – they are filtering your blood. And your lungs are removing stuff your blood doesn't want through breathing. Let’s just remember that. . .kay?


Any person on TV or magazine or website tells you a smoothie will help you "detox" is feeding you a lie.

In fact, the word has lost all meaning.

While you can get super-benefits from eating more fruits and veggies, you need to consume a lot of them and over a long period of time. A lifestyle full of good, whole foods - filled with delicious fats, carbs, proteins, fibers and all that good stuff, that's the way to do it.

Not this detox drink some spinach and you won't get cancer nonsense. Seriously.

But They Work & Other Lies
No.

A lot of these diets where smoothies are a big part (because they probably get some type of money for promoting the blender) don't really work. They are set up to be crash diets. I had a few friends following some fake-doctor's plan and it came out to be a 7 day play in which you consume 1200 calories a day, all through smoothie blends.

Dude. 1200 calories a day? That's a "starvation" amount of calories. Just because someone who went to more school than you says it's "healthy" or "great" or "awesome" or twurks a couple times - doesn't mean that it's true.

It means this person is selling something. Mmkay?

Sure, you will lose something. Probably hope.

Listen, I live off smoothies. When someone says, oh, that seems like a lot I have to remind them, with fruits and veggies, then tend to be low calorie so you have to eat a lot more to get in the right amount of calories.

Four cups of spinach is 28 calories. Get it? Four cups of spinach is 28 calories. Get out a plate of it and it will look like a lot, but, it's not. It looks like even less when it's blended.

I see pictures of these smoothies, and I am surprised at the horribleness of the combo and then tiny amount of smoothie in the glass. One glass? I drink a huge mason jar of smoothie a day! I cram as much stuff in there as I can.

Don't consume lies. Consume good, nutritional dense food.

The Vile Smoothie
We all have different tastes, but, a lot of those fake-doctor diets and whatnot make you consume stuff that will make you hate smoothies forever. Orange and cucumber? Mint and orange? Eww, people. If you would not eat these flavors together in a dish, don't mix them together in a smoothie.

It's really just another way to make sure you disengage your own wonderful mind and fall into the darkness of the food industry hating things you might like, suffering with under 1200 calories a day and hating life.

You shouldn't hate life.

The Unhealthy Smoothie
Anything you buy at a stand or restaurant or in the store is pretty much junk. I don't care if the name of the company has the words "Natural" or "Good for you" or "Jesus" in the name. It's bad for you. I totally enjoy some Bolthouse Farms juice, I might add. I just know what I'm getting into when I do.

It’s also very easy to make a very unhealthy smoothie.

It’s like blended coffees – sounds like they are just chilled coffee – when they are basically sugary milkshakes. Nothing wrong with enjoy one here and there, but, it isn't particularly healthy. They are often are mostly made up of water and sweet fruit concentrate.

Even green items or “green smoothies” are not healthy even if they are green.

For example – the Jamba Juice Great Greens is made of mostly apple and cucumber juice. The green parts are four veggies blended together. So, really, if this is made up of four juices, the green part makes up 1/4th of the beverage and only ¼ of that fourth is one type of veggie. It might look green, but, it's not really that green.



At least there isn't a ton of sweetened dairy in there.

It takes a lot of green stuff to make something green. Like – a lot. Most of your packaged ones or one made at some juice bar are mostly apple or carrot juice because we have been taught to enjoy sugary-sweet things and that we will automatically hate things that are not sweet. Then they add in dyes so you think it's green and has a lot of plant matter in there.

The Healthy Smoothie
Why can’t simple greens be delicious? Every ponder that question? Well, if your body is use to always getting sweet fake things and processing those for energy – it might tell you veggies taste bad because it’s not use to it. Given time, your body will adjust to anything and start to tell you this is the way to live.

So, feed it veggies and stuff. It'll like it.

Or feed it a lot of fruits. Fruits are good. Stop listening to the health industry telling you from-the-earth foods are bad for you. They probably really aren't. Eat a lot of different foods, blend them together, live, enjoy!

How To Get Into Smoothies
When I first gave my man-hunk a drink of a spinach-strawberry blend, he did make the icky baby face. Now he enjoys them!

It was a massive reset to his taste buds because he never ate like that before. He tried again, and I made him better blends so he got use to them.

Maybe orange and banana is a better start than kale, spinach, swiss chard and a cucumber.


If you want to get into smoothies, start off with fruit - fruit is great for you! Try different blend of fruit and then add in some greens. I suggest starting with spinach as a green since the flavor blends well. Once that tastes good, move to something else to diversify. Even if you don't get all super advanced, it's fine - you are still doing good!

Sure, look up some recipes online but take your inspiration from foods you like to eat. If you like milkshakes, add in soaked medjool dates for healthy sweetness and some vanilla extract. Like chocolate, add in pure cocoa powder and a touch of maple syrup.

I find trying new things fun - and making things is fun. You can also check out the Internet. You might be surprised how your tastes change and how easy it will become to consume these things. You just have to give it a little time.

Then again, sometimes you have to be an adult. Understand as an adult you need to make decisions with long lasting benefits even if they suck to do for a bit. And also understand if you don’t like something, don’t force yourself into it, find another way. I can help you find the way – I hope.

How I Smoothie: Pack It In!
For a real smoothie, well, you have to drink A LOT. No one cup of something. You need to jam as much stuff in there as possible. If you are adding greens, you need to make sure you are adding a ton of it. A lot of recipes call for about a cup of spinach or kale or whatever. Dude. This is smoothie time, not wussy time.

This is how much spinach I pack down in my smoothie. It makes up more than half of the smoothie cup! It will reduce into just about nothing when blended. The US-whatever says you should have 2 cups or something of veggies a day to be healthy. This is what I eat.

On average, I use about 4 cups of spinach when I do use spinach. And I use it a lot. I pack it down. You got to load up on your fruits and veggies - and it's all ok! It's good for you. Don't be afraid to add in more of something.

Now, hold up smoothie people. Don't be all telling me about kale and all those other veggies. They are cool - it's cool - I just like my spinach.

Look, people, if you don’t eat a lot of the things you put into a smoothie, it will taste bad to you. I hate cucumbers. I’m sure they are great for you and all that. I hate the taste and smell. I don’t like body products with it and if a cucumber has touched anything I am about to eat, I don’t eat it because I can freaking taste the cucumber.

Cucumber even sounds bad. Qu-Cum-Ber. Like. .maybe I’ll insult someone I don’t like by saying s/he is a “cucumber.” Nasty.

Then again, the health industry needs you to continually fail in order to make money. Stop failing by applying your brain! If you love carrots, use carrots. If you love grapes, use grapes. If you love kale, use kale.

Life is simple.

What I Have Put Into Smoothies
Sure, fruits and veggies. BUT you can do a lot more! People are shocked (for some reason) at the items I blend together. I don't really go with the health industry flow.

Why not spices you like? Ginger, thyme, basil or even pumpkin pie spice. Did you  know some spinach, blueberries, pumpkin pie spice, dates and water tastes like a pumpkin pie? What flavors do you like? Curry? Cilantro? Blend it up!

Why not put in some sorbet? Maybe some mango sorbet? Some instant coffee? There is no limit! Here is a list of things I have smoothed - recently, too!

  • Almond milk
  • Almonds
  • Apple
  • Banana
  • Basil
  • Blackberries
  • Blueberries
  • Brown sugar
  • Buckwheat groats
  • Butternut squash
  • Cashews
  • Cardamom
  • Celery
  • Cherries
  • Chia seeds
  • Cinnamon
  • Coffee
  • Cocoa powder
  • Coconut flakes
  • Coconut milk
  • Coconut oil
  • Dates
  • Flaxseed (ground)
  • Jam (a friend makes it herself!)
  • Garlic
  • Ginger
  • Grapes
  • Green onions
  • Honey
  • Instant coffee
  • Lemonade
  • Mango
  • Mango sorbet
  • Maple syrup
  • Nutmeg
  • Oatmeal
  • Orange
  • Peaches
  • Peanut butter
  • Pears
  • Pecans
  • Peppers
  • Pine nuts
  • Plums
  • Plums
  • Protein (vegan) powder
  • Pumpkin
  • Pumpkin pie spice
  • Raspberries
  • Salsa
  • Salt
  • Sesame oil
  • Spinach
  • Strawberries
  • Sunflower nut butter
  • Sunflower seeds
  • Sweet potato
  • Tomato
  • Vanilla extract
  • Walnuts
  • Water
  • Watermelon
  • Zucchini 

What I Don’t Use
Obviously, nothing I’m sensitive to like dairy or nutritional yeast or cranberries or cherries. These aren't bad things for someone else to use, but, I get by just find without them. I do encourage people to step away from dairy because a lot of it has a lot of added sugar and weird junk.

There is a lack of non-dairy milks in most of my blends - unless it's a special treat.

I don’t drink milk but I also don’t have that function in my head that tells me I need to substitute milk for a non-dairy milk.

Do you get that? The health industry wants to make you sub out one thing for another to keep you failing. You can probably do without it. But, then they can't scare you later or tell you that there is something better.

I don’t use non-dairy milk as a sugar to pour over veggies to mask them. I just use water. Water is free and it stays fresh longer. Non-dairy milks are expensive and processed and something I’m like, eww. I don't really use enough to make it worthwhile to buy it. It'll go back. I hate wasting good.

I also don’t always use fresh things. I use frozen a good amount of the time because it keeps longer. Some people only want to use fresh stuff – that’s great. I’m lazy and I don’t like food to rot if I decide not to eat on a certain day.

I would encourage you to stay way from frozen leafy veggies, though. Just. . .it doesn't work.

Recipes
Recipe? That doesn't sound like me. But, since I do get asked, here is a list of some of my more popular
blends for your eye and mouth consumption. All measurements are approximate I do know I cram things into my NutriBullet beyond what the instructions call for.

I find a lot of people take something like spinach and use a handful when I easily consume over 1lbs of spinach every 5 days. 1lbs of spinach is about 6 cups, so, I eat about 2 cups of spinach a day in my smoothie.

I also tend to throw in things I have more so than follow a strict recipe.

I find a lot of my blends taste like pies or treats. If not, I drink them anyway.

Daily Blend
Milkshake Blend
Raspberry Latte Blend
4 cups spinach
½ cup frozen berry blend
¼ cup ground flaxseed
¼ cup black chia seeds
Topped with buckwheat groats
4 cups spinach
½ cup dates (soaked overnight)
1 cup strawberries
¼ black chia seeds
Cinnamon
Fresh/frozen raspberries
Vanilla almond milk
2 tablespoons instant coffee



Strawberry Pie Blend
Bruschetta
Too Sweet for Me
2 cups strawberries
4 cups spinach
¼ cup flaxseed
Handful of walnuts

2 tomatoes
Handful walnuts
Garlic (puree or dried)
Basil oil (or leaves)
4 cups spinach
1 cup frozen mango chunks
4 cups spinach
¼ cup ground flaxseed




Cocktail Hour
Pumpkin Pie
High Fat Blend
Lemonade (as liquid)
Basil
Ginger (puree)
Spinach
2 cups spinach
Pumpkin puree
Handful of walnuts
Nutmeg
Cinnamon
1 avacado
Spinach
Coconut oil
1/3 cup cocoa powder
Cinnamon
Vanilla extract

Tricks and Tips
The most major things to know - Start slow! Don’t leap into a pure green mix unless you normally eat that stuff – it will taste horrible and you will never want to do this again.

Start with your milks and apples, carrots, pineapple – then slowly change the balance toward more green stuff. I always suggest starting with spinach before trying kale or swiss chard. I don’t actually use kale or swiss chard. . .because I’m lazy.

Think about the stuff you like to eat and start making a smoothie there. It's a leap for some people to move from consuming to tasting. The more smoothies you drink, the more you even think about food in combinations that you like, the more you will taste it. And probably, the better choices you will make because food that is simple is delicious.

Here are a couple things I have learned:
  • Dates made everything sweeter than sugar. 
  • Chia seeds thicken up your smoothie – like a milkshake
  • Spinach blends with everything – it’s the most forgiving of the greens
  • Flaxseed adds a nutty flavor – like a pie crust
  • Frozen fruit makes the smoothie an icky color – blueberry, blackberry don’t get turned off by color
  • Concord grapes are flavor dominators – they mask anything
  • Use spices you like instead of sugar for nice kicks
Also, as a note, don’t be afraid of sugar. I know people are like, “raisins are good, but, so high in sugar!” If you are going to get a lot of sugar in you – and sugar is something you body likes – get it through eating fruits.

Fruits are sweet and taste good to us for a reason.

Thoughts
Yep, that's about what my brain came up with about smoothies. Feel free to contact me for other information or your thoughts. Or leave me a comment.


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