Plan Your Funeral

I think a lot of people are afraid of death and not prepared. I think a lot of people live as if they will not die and then a small amount lives as if they will die. I know I will and I might die tomorrow. In which case, this blog is still posting because I have it set up to do that.

Because of laziness, not because of death.

The fact is, you can die in all sorts of way and in many ways, it's surprising so many of us are still alive. I'm the one who is always curious who in my graduating classes will be the first to die. When I am forced gladly attend other people's graduations I wonder who will be the first of these wide-eyed hopefuls to overdose or be murdered or succumb some bizarre accident or weird medical breakdown.

I'm not morbid, I'm not marking these people because I enjoy sorrow or death - it's a reminder to myself, since I often cannot share this with others - that life is not guaranteed. Life is not a right.

My Story and Challenge

Bam

I was pretty close to death and I could feel my body dying around me. My organs were not functioning right and even with treatment, nothing was really for sure.

I tell people I lost my natural fear of death. I still get scared when I think I am going to be in a car accident or something frightening happens, that's natural. I just don't assume I will be around tomorrow.

I think it would be fun to plan my own funeral. I will do this. It's going to be a trippin' good time, let me tell you. Sure, people are going to be sad and whatnot, but, something a funeral is a good time to cut loose, see people you haven't gotten a chance to see and, well, eat. I'll try to die during during the spring or early fall so it's not to miserable out.

I'll report back as to my plans in a couple weeks.

Sudden Death
I don't know the first to die, or if s/he did die, in my high school class. I know that a student in my grade had her older sibling clubbed to death outside a store. She was murdered by a mental unstable person. It was sad for all around, the victim, the family and then the murderer and the murderer's family.

I wonder if she or her family ever thought about the possibility of death. I wonder if she ever jotted down what she would want in a funeral. Probably not. Why? It's a poo-pooed thing. It's morbid. It's vaguely taboo.

As a female, it's ok for me to plan ever aspect of my wedding and what I want. It's not ok for me to plan out the same type of thing (food, music, venue) for my death.

Mourning
When I was in college, a girl I did not know was in a bad car accident and the whole campus was hoping for the best. She ended up dying and some of her best friends were in my psychology class. When someone came and pulled them from class to tell them the news, you could hear the one girl scream.

I never heard anyone scream like that. I can still hear it in my brain to this day. Since we never think we are going to die, since we never plan for that as ever being an option, because we are afraid and avoid it - how do we ever learn how to mourn those who have died without losing ourselves. How do we comfort those left behind when we assume no one is going to die?

Easing the Burden
By planning out your funeral  dividing your assets and being clear about everything, it's actually a load off those who are left behind to clean up after you. You know, clear your Internet browsing history and whatnot. I am actually surprised how many of my friends who are having babies assume two things - the baby will not die and they will not die. There is no living will, no guardians, nothing. Just assumptions and common law.

The checklist from dyingmatters.org is pretty good about what you might want to start thinking about:

Consider legal and financial matters:

• Make a will, get legal advice if necessary
• Think about the costs, consider insurance, a funeral plan
• If you need financial help to support you and your family with care costs, transport
• Plan for the care of dependents

Save other lives - through organ donation: If you want to donate any organs to save other lives or leave your brain or body to medical research, e.g. to help with dementia ,write it down and tell your family

• Legal Stuff: If you have kids, siblings or parents you will want to get a will together. You want to make sure you money goes where you want it (people or charities) and even things like your clothes or TV go where you want them to go. See a lawyer and get together some papers that are all lawful and stuff.
• Pre-Dying: You might die tomorrow. Think about that. Now, what do you want your family and friends to know? Get on with that now - write some notes, make a movie or get on the phone to let those in your life know you love them (or hate them) so that nothing is left unsaid. If you are holding a grudge that is hurting someone, let it go now so you don't die and they have to suffer forever. Forgive. 
• Dying: Do you want to be ressustated or on life support? Figure it out and write it down all legally like. Since life is weird, assign someone you trust who knows your wish to carry out your wishes. For example, for my cousin, I am the one in charge of pulling the plug.
• Body: Do you want to donate anything of your body to science or others? It might take more than an organ donor card.
• Funeral: Some people don't care what happens to the body (aka, suitcase for the soul). Some people do. You might not care, but, you might want to jot something down to give those who have to deal with it some direction. Cremations are expensive  caskets can be, too. Look into these costs and think if you want to have a religious ceremony or some type of green funeral or whatever. Maybe make a list of who you would like to attend.

The benefits of looking into this stuff and planning also means that should someone die and you have to make some arrangements, you can do it with some knowledge in your brain rather than just sorrow and confusion.

My Discussion
This is like my comic relief - a chat online between me and my friend, Ri.

Ri: What are you doing?
Manda: Looking at caskets.
Ri: Why are you looking at caskets?
Manda: No reason. Ooo, this is a nice one. $900 bucks! Dark brown, light copper finish. Oh crap, it has those creepy praying hands on the inner lid. I don't want to be looking at that.
Ri: First, you'd be dead. Second, you are being creepy.
Manda: Look at it.
Ri: I mean, it is a cool looking casket. What about the purple one?
Manda: I hate that flower detailing. Plus, it's over $1000.
Ri: You only die once.
Manda: True. Also, since the odds of me getting married are slim to none, I'm sure I could spend any wedding dress budget on a casket.
Ri: How much is a wedding dress.
Manda: Let's say, low-end, $2000?
Ri: That's a lot.
Manda: What's with these flower detailing? Urg. It's like an old person's home.
Ri: Old people are the largest consumers of caskets.
Manda: Ooo. How about an urn. this one comes with a stylish display box. And this one has six min-urns in one display box. Would six people want my ashes?
Ri: These is a four-pack.
Manda: And an oversized one. Hm. Do you think if I got really fat I'd need an oversized one?
Ri: I think humans are like 80% water. Oversized urn people have got to be showing off. Do you want to be cremated?
Manda: I could get this six-pack urn set, right, and then auction each off. Also, I think by the time I am dead, whatever the living want to do with me is fine. Maybe I could donate my body to science.
Ri: You'd probably be disected by some med student. Hey, here's one with the American flag.
Manda: I do like America.
Ri: It says, "In fact, at an average cost of $2,400, a funeral may be the third most expensive consumer purchase after a home and a car."
Manda: Maybe they have a used casket/urn section. . .
Ri: Yeah, I don't think so.
Manda: This selection is sort of a let-down.
Ri: This conversation is a sort of let-down.
Manda: OMG. Urns that are pendants. You can wear me.
Ri: Uh
Manda: OMG, you can put the ashes in a pendent and wear them like a charm bracelet.
Ri: Mm.
Manda: Earrings.
Ri: no.
Manda: I don't have pierced ears. Ooo. An hourglass urn! I could be useful even in death! I hope I get to haunt something.
Ri: Really?
Manda: Or get turned into a diamond. Yeeeeah. Years from now, some poor guys is going to be like, "Marry me Jane" and it's a diamond of my ashes. Bwhahahaha.
Ri: Unique, as always.
Manda: Ok, back to work.

Be Part of the Adventure
Do you have a suggestion or want to see me attempt something? Drop me an email at AdventuringAmanda@gmail.com with your suggestion.

Image Credit
Cartoon from themetapicture.com