Healing & Recovering

I have been having one of the worst bouts of adrenal issues ever. Ever. I am going to document it here because I need to be a little more honest with all these things that happen and these things I deal with. I mean, I don't want to be too honest because who wants to hear someone's sob story? But, I do get a little hurt when people seem to go out of their way to point out how my apartment isn't clean or I'm not happy enough or I am not doing enough for them.

Or I'm irritable. I'm @#$%ing irritable. 

So, for this week, the pain has been crippling, I can't eat and I'm exhausted.

Oh, right, this is all due to 10 years undiagnosed Lyme disease, babesiosis and bartonella. I was in treatment for 5 years where I acquired a whole host of other issues from fungal infections to organ failure. All in all, having malfunctioning adrenals is a gift. You can check out more of my story by looking at my adrenal fatigue page.

So, what do you do while trying to recover?

Severe rest!

One of the hardest things is rest. Not because I'm busy but because it's physical, mental and emotion rest.

When your adrenals go, you can't balance your emotions. I was just an agitated, anxious mess and it was more draining than running a marathon (not that I ever have, but, I think that would be draining). I finally got my anxiety under control so I could find some peace.

Peace is, of course, impossible if your adrenals don't work right. It's chemically impossible. Adrenal fatigue is a couple steps into a mental breakdown.

Anxiety is no joke, my friend. And the worst is anxiety for no reason other than you bodily chemicals can't work correctly. As bad of a rap as the media gives cortisol, you do need it to live and it is responsible for thyroid function and homeostasis. 

A: I am on hydrocortisone, synthetic cortisol.
C: Careful with cortisol, it makes you fat.
A: Sounds like Dr. Oz is trying to sell more stuff on his show.

One of the biggest battles a lot of people face is actually resting enough. As soon as you start to feel better you want to go-go-go! Truth is, you got to keep resting past that point. The first upswing is just the first layer of healing and it's a tender layer over the wound. You need a little longer or you will hurt yourself easily.

I went to CVS to fill two more prescriptions - with my lover. Woot-woot! Big outting.

Now I need to stop thinking - and I'm always thinking.

If I could take a couple days off work, I would. I can't though, I need to save up my time for the wedding and moving and if something really, really bad happens. Besides, I don't look sick.

Focus on Something (Pretty)

I do my nails.

It takes time and focus and I can't do much with wet nails. It makes me sit around. It is highly girly, but, my nails are an easily cleaned canvas that I can spend time redecorating and trying out stuff. I think the only reason I am as good (and I use that word lightly) at doing my own nails is because of the amount of time I have forced myself to focus on doing them.

Because my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) comes out a lot more with my fatigue and anxiety, I find I can epically focus on my nails and perfecting the brush stroke or color combos or anything and it stops me from washing my hands or spotting contaminates or needing to move around furniture.

At the end, it does feel like a little treat when I look and feel like crap. I can go, oh, look, pretty nails.

Then remove all the polish because one of them was wrong at the edge and I need to redo them all. . . 

This week, I purchased Essie's Imported Bubbly which I used over LadyLike (thought my LadyLike is a mauve like color, not like on the site)

Worry About the Future

I spend a lot of time worrying about what the future will hold. Some of these feelings I think are totally rational, but, others are anxiety-laced and then I start actually raising my heart rate which taxes my body and I'm back into running a marathon rather than resting.

Common worries - When will I end up on medication forever? When will I get full-blown  Addison's Disease? When will the next bout hit? What am I putting my future husband through? What if something else is wrong? What if this doesn't stop? What if I need to go to the ER? How can I explain this to someone? How can I explain this at work? What if people don't believe me? What if I need help? What if I should be doing something else? What if it's all in my head? What if it's not in my head? What if I can't fake it? What am I going to do when someone makes fun of me? Who am I going to hurt next? Should I look up things? What if someone has a question I can't answer? Am I suppose to tell people I have this chronic illness? What if I never have another bout and everyone thinks I am faking? What if all the good days are behind me? Should I find another doctor? How do I know if I am getting better?

Learn from the Master

Lucky the Cat is basically the best teacher of relaxing. It's nice to have some animal company. I always had a bond with animals and he is my little buddy and companion whenever I am home.

Animal have a way of teaching us what is important. Wait, that's pretty canned.

Animals have a way of being so darn cute!

They also give me something to focus on beside being sick. Since Lucky doesn't need much, he gives me something to take care of so I don't feel like a total waste of space during these times and gives me a lot of affection.

Since I am cold a lot, he keeps my toes nice and toasty.

Get a Heating Pad
It doesn't work all the time for everything but this pad works great on relaxing and easing the pain of my

adrenals.

I won't say this takes all the pain away, but, when you are in crippling pain, even a little change can make a big difference in your attitude and your outlook.

It also helps keep me warm - even though it is August. I am not sure why it happens, but, I get freezing cold when my adrenals don't work right. When I start to get too cold, it actually wake up my neuropathy.

One of the creepiest thing is when my toes spasm out of control. It's creepy.

Sometimes, when the pain is really bad, I start to panic thinking something else is wrong and I am not sure if I should go to the hospital or something. Once, I was tempted to go to the Urgent Care Clinic that just opened, but, then I remembered, most people don't think I have any sickness and if they don't, it would be a lot of wasted energy for them to tell me I just want attention or that there is nothing they can do. 

I mistrust doctors. I love heating pads.

Eat Good Food
Food be thy medicine!

While eating has been tricky - I lost a solid 5lbs the past few day between thyroid issues and physical ones - I make sure to load up on whole, healthy foods.

Did I mention the relationship between the adrenals and thyroid? Oh yeah...

Rice is easy on me, so, I made some with peppers. Rice is not the most nutritionally dense food, but, it is something that is good. I got some chicken in me the other night with rice - and during the week, I have be adding some Vega One to my smoothies - you can read my first impressions in my Things I Eat: Vega Nutritional Shake 

When sick, it's key to fuel up right and not with junk food. For me, I increase my salt intake because adrenal issues normally come with an inability to retain salt. Because of the general imbalance of hormones, insulin levels and all that, I have also been drinking a lot of water. Like. .a LOT of water. Probably over two gallons a day.

Being that I don't normally drink that much, it's a lot. Is that even normal?

Sure, drinking a lot of water is good, but, when water comes out of you, it does take a lot of other stuff with it. You don't want to be washing your body out of salts and other things it needs. It can kill you or cause damage. Even athletes who sweat and drink a lot know to replenish with sugars and salts. 

I also make sure I have a nice dining companion. Like Josh Groban who has been serenading me.

Last Thoughts

One day, one step at a time!

And throwing it all on the table. BOOM. This is what my life is like right now.

I am working really hard on being honest with my situation and letting people know I am actually pretty sick even if I look normal. I normally don't have a problem saying  "no" to people and all that - but I do have a problem being honest about why I don't do things.

Deep down, this is an issue that deeply affects me and those around me. I was sick with many blood-borne illness and organ issues and other related injuries for 15 years. It's big. It's a part of me. As much as I try to force it away, it is with me and to deny it happened to make other people feel ok in social situations - and maybe even including myself - cripples me in the long run. 

Here's to another day closer to normal.