Banana Ice Cream

Out of all the things I can't eat, the one I find people gawking at is dairy.

And why not? The dairy industry has done a bang up job convincing everyone they need to drink more milk even if there is no real scientific evidence that says we need it. The information constantly flying around is to drink more milk, eat more cheese and consume more yogurt – it will make you sexy, thin, young, give you six-pack abs and find you love. Which is why we cry into vats of it when our problems become overwhelming.

In fact, most people have some level of allergy or intolerance to dairy because we don't actually need it in adulthood to survive so our bodies never really worried about processing it, but, we keep at it in some blind belief that we need it because celebrities wear white mustache.

Most of these products are laced with sugars. About 13 grams per cup. That's in 8 ounces.

Let’s not even get started on the cows, sheeps and goats that are required to produce the amount of dairy out there and what they have to go through. Not all animals are treated this way, but, to feed the ever growing demand for milk fueled by the advertising industry, it is not uncommon. I suggest finding a local dairy with cows that milk themselves and are named and you can meet in person - like Milky Way Creamery if you want a lot of dairy in your life. They use something known as Lely Astronaut Robotic Milking System.

Not that eliminating dairy makes you perfect. I do miss cheese. And ice cream. These are tasty treats – and I am a believer in the way of the omnivore.

I don’t miss how it makes me feel though. I don’t miss how it made me feel emotionally when my desire for cheese (like La Tur – so good)  outweighed the potential abuse I was supporting of an animal and my own digestive tract.

I'm not perfect. I do miss cheese. And ice cream. These are tasty treats. 

I don’t miss how it makes me feel though. 

Ok, ok. I am not as conflicted as you might think. I think what I miss about ice cream is its smooth, creamy sweetness. It’s a dull background flavor of milk and then a little sonnet of sweet. It’s cooling, it’s rich in texture but light in the belly. That’s what I want in my life. 

Anyhow, a vegan stable is banana ice cream. It's pretty basic to make and basically delicious - you can find tons of recipes online from mine - super simple - to someone like The Kitchn who really dressed it up. 

It's also really healthy because it's banana - they are packed with healthy stuff, and two have about 150 life-and-joy giving calories. Don’t listen to those people telling you the banana isn't healthy. They had unhappy childhoods.

Look at this little Banana! (Yes, this kitten's name is Banana)

Totally done with pictures

When I was making it, I was thinking of one of my favorite ice creams, Ben and Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns. I use to eat one of these in a sitting a week - which is how I believe you are suppose to do it. It is described as: 

Our cool salute to cinnamon buns is so cinnamon-streuseled & dough-loaded, there's no telling where the cinnamon buns end or the ice cream begins. That's because it's one fun flavor all the way through. Enjoy!

I’d like also to add that my husband had the stomach fIu so I figured was going to get the stomach flu, bananas taste the same coming down and going up. I like to plan. 

What You Need

• Bananas.
• Non-dairy milk or water.

Optional

• A husband with the stomach flu? (Optional and not recommended).
• Blueberries.
• Bourbon.
• Chocolate chips.
• Chocolate sauce.
• Cinnamon.
• Cocoa powder.
• Cookies.
• Coriander.
• Flavored sugar.
• Ginger.
• Granola.
• Ketchup (It does work, people)
• Maple syrup.
• Nutella.
• Nuts.
• Peanut butter.
• Tyme.
• Vanilla extract.

What You Do

Freeze the 'naners! I break up them up into little chunks because I like destruction and then they fit better into my little food processor later. 

If you ever studied famous dictators throughout time, you’ll know "divide and rule" or "divide and conquer" or the sexy "Salami tactics" is key to victory. It’s a classic way to gain and maintain power by breaking up larger concentrations of resistance into pieces that individually have less power than you.. 

Breaking up existing power structures and preventing smaller power groups from linking up applies to bananas. A whole frozen banana is much harder to blend into submission. You also want to make sure the chunks you have have room between them. Else they will freeze together and claim victory. 

@#$%ing bananas!

So, right. You just cut or break them into small pieces and put them into a plastic container to freeze. I used about three or four for my delicious bowl. However, I have a GIANT plastic container with about 500 bananas in there waiting to be sieged. 

If your banana are brown and spotty, all the better. That makes them much sweeter - but I know a lot of people think brown bananas are bad? 

Who are you people? 

The browner a banana the sweeter it is. That why you make banana bread when the bananas are totally brown. Just saying. So, if you have some older banans, use ‘em. Maybe try a combo? 

Whatever banana type you have, it's all good. Mine were yellow ‘cause that’s how I like ‘em. And I wasn't going to wait.

Freeze them for about 4-5 hours or overnight. Just don't forget about them. Some recipes online have you blend first and then freeze. I did this once and it was the consistency of cement - you'd have to wait 5-10 minus for it to soften back up. I prefer the freeze-blend method because I will eat it all in one sitting.

Easy.

When the ‘naner is frozen, pop them into your blender. I added a tiny bit of hot water to help melt stuff a little – if you ever studied early thermal weapons, you would know this classic form of anti-personnel weaponry is quite effective against people AND frozen bananas. 

I also used cold rice milk I used about 1/4 cup (I love me some rice) as my non-dairy milk. It's nice, I like the flavor of rice and banana – if you can’t taste the difference in non-dairy milks than it ain’t no thang.

It's an eyeball thing. You can add a little and add more later. The consistence is in YOUR control. I actually don’t even mind a couple little chunks of banana. They taste like eliminating the resistance with my teeth – which is delicious.

I added in a healthy shake of cinnamon, espressos sugar, sesame seeds ('cause I wild) and then blended all that together. I dumped it into a bowl and topped with maple syrup. I mean, it's really good even if it's not the Ben and Jerry's flavor I was thinking about. Actually, I totally forgot about it because of the super-awesomeness of my dinner – that’s right, banana ice cream for DINNER.

Fan-nana-tastic.

So I made another bowl. . .

Do this for yourself. It's creamy, sweet, cold and really hits the nail on the head. If you aren't a HUGE fan of banana, remember, it's a mild flavor that can be overpowered by something you might find MORE yummy. Like bourbon. Seriously – add a touch of bourbon and be more charming than before! 

Yummy!