Trader Joe's Pick Up: Aloe

I realize summer is almost over up in this shizzle - but, if you got some sunburn from your final days out in the sun I strongly suggest picking up a jar of aloe. 

Aloe is good for you (insides AND outsides) and this topical (meaning outsides, not insides) is pretty awesome on all sorts of burns and bruises. Plus, has a almost-nothing scent and almost-nothing ingredient list. I got mine at Trader Joe's because. . .I mean. . .Trader Joe's.

Seriously - rub some aloe on it. 

And. .you can also take aloe for your insides which will make everything move out. 

Things I Eat: COOKIE!!

My love for food - I love it, it hates me. 

Also, I have been making food, I jsut have no been taking pictures. It's also hot in my apartment so. .maybe I cook less. Mostly most of the same stuff. Whatever. Enjoy this find!

I totally have fallen in lover with Happy Girl Cookie Company and more specifically, the Sassy Ginger Molassie cookie! 

What's in it? (Yes, it has canola, but, I will deal)

Ingredients: Organic brown rice flour, Organic powdered sugar (organic sugar, organic tapioca starch), Natural buttery spread (natural oil blend [palm fruit, canola, olive oil], filtered water, pure salt, contains less than 2% natural flavor [no MSG, no alcohol, no gluten], sunflower lecithin, lactic acid [non-dairy, derived from sugar beets], colored with annatto extract), Organic evaporated cane juice, Organic brown sugar, Unsulphered molasses, Ginger, Organic applesauce (organic apples, ascorbic acid [vitamin C]), Baking soda, Cinnamon, Lemon, Organic vanilla extract, Sea salt, Xanthan gum

It's so good. I realize I probably should eat it all myself in one sitting, but, one has yet to make it a few hours once in my custody. It's so good, it was by birthday cake!

And. . snack when I feel the need to stop into my local Whole Foods. Yes, I also know I could swing by Sweet Freedom Bakery but in many of their products they use vinegar and bean flour. Great for everyone else, a little sucky for me. 

Even if you don't have any diet issues, these cookies are very good. Gingerbread has always been a favorite of mine and the filling is SO SWEET.

I want one. Now.

I Got Stuck

I totally got stuck in the vestibule for 20 minutes when trying to leave work. Apparently, once you get through the door from the offices, the door to the outside locks until it thinks the door to the office is closed and locked. Then it will open.

If not, someone from the outside could come in. Even though the door to the outside is locked even if you have a badge because we can only enter through two select doors, but we can leave through any door (like, if there is a fire or it's Friday). So, I couldn't go back into the office because it wasn't an approved entrance.

Yep - 20 minutes.

Applebottom Jeans Post

I would like to document one of the best FB exchanged I have had in a while. While this happened about three years go - thanks to TimeHop - it lives again. And 4evah!

If you don't know the song, Applebottom Jeans by Flo Rida, this probably means nothing. Or how easy it is to have a rubber band fly off a roll of bills. . .

Song: Apple Bottom Jeans

Artist: Flo Rida

Featured artist: T-Pain

Released: 2008

[Chorus]

Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]

Boots with the fur [With the fur]

The whole club was lookin at her

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Them baggy sweat pants

And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]

She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 1:]

I ain't never seen nuthin that'll make me go,

This crazy all night spendin my dough

Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle to go

Dem birthday cakes, they stole the show

So sexual, she was flexible

Professional, drinkin XO

Hold up wait a minute, do i see what I think I

Whoa

Did I think I seen shorty get low

Ain't the same when it's up that close

Make it rain, I'm makin it snow

Work the pole, I got the bankroll

Imma say that I prefer them no clothes

I'm into that, I love women exposed

She threw it back at me, I gave her more

Cash ain't a problem, got a pocket full of that!

[Chorus]

Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]

Boots with the fur [With the fur]

Got the whole club was lookin at her

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Them baggy sweat pants

And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]

She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 2:]

Hey

Shawty what I gotta do to get you home

My jeans full of gwap

And they ready for Shones

Cadillacs, Maybachs for the sexy grown

Patrone on the rocks that'll make you moan

One stack (come on)

Two stacks (come on)

Three stacks (come on, now that's three grand)

What you think I'm playin baby girl

I'm the man, I'll bend the rubber bands

That's what I told her, her legs on my shoulder

I knew it was ova, that Henny and Cola

Got me like a Soldier

She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her

So lucky oo me, I was just like a clover

Shorty was hot like a toaster

Sorry but I had to fold her,

Like a pornography poster

She showed her

[Chorus]

Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]

Boots with the fur [With the fur]

The whole club was lookin at her

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Them baggy sweat pants

And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]

She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 3:]

Whoa

Shawty

Yea she was worth the money

Lil mama took my cash,

And I ain't want it back,

The way she bit that rag,

Got her them paper stacks,

Tattoo Above her crack,

I had to handle that,

I was on it, sexy woman, let me shownin

They be want it two in the mornin

I'm zonin in them rosay bottles foamin

She wouldn't stop, made it drop

Shorty did that pop and lock,

Had to break her off that gwap

Gah it was fly just like my glock

[Chorus]

Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]

Boots with the fur [With the fur]

Got the whole club was lookin at her

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Them baggy sweat pants

And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]

She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]

She hit the floor [She hit the floor]

Next thing you know

Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Come on! come on!

Things I Eat: When Out

Oh, food. 

So, what happens when you have to eat out? Well, a lot of fear happens. Planning normally reduces my anxiety - and potential for massive gut issues - so I like it when there are reservations and an email address to contact the restaurant.

What? Contact a restaurant?! Yep. I don't know why more people don't do this. A lot of people show up and start throwing out situations at the poor server who then scrambles around. . .sad. Sad. Let 'em know you're coming!

What Really Sucks
Sure, I have a couple spots I go and eat if eating out is proposed on the fly.

Work dinners or lunches are about the worst because eating is hard and I don't want to be "high-maintenance" in front of work people. I also don't want to overwhelm the server or the poor chef. They are freaking busy enough.

To be honest, most of the time, I sit and watch people eat. I try to have a drink with me or something. But, most of the time, it's the only thing I feel safe doing. It makes me an object of a lot of mockery. I believe I have only had one person every apologize for being insensitive after saying, "I wish I had a food allergy, then I could lose weight!"

To an extent, I have bowed out of work-eating functions.

What Works
Ok, so, reservations are made. The first thing I do is get the details of the reservation as to what name the party is under. It's important. Then I contact the restaurant with an email like this:

Hello! 

I will be part of the _____ party on _____ . 

I have a couple food issues and I just wanted to just make sure there was something I could eat - I am totally fine with a salad or anything. I just wanted to check in advance so I don't cause any problems by unloading a list of issues to the poor server. :) 

Also, my issues will not cause me to go into some type death - I'm not super concerned with cross contamination for one meal. It's a digestive issue not something that will require an epi-pen.(Thank God).
I cannot have:

• Dairy
• Eggs
• Soy
• Wheat
• Canola
• Yeast (vinegar, etc)
• Beans
• Pepper (black/white)
• Cranberry
• Mushrooms 

(Yes, I'm a disaster). 

Any guidance as to what would be "safe" would be great! 

Thanks so, so much,
Amanda

I like to get this email out a week before, at least. Just to give the restaurant a chance to respond. I'm sure they are busy and I'm not an easy type person to deal with from a food standpoint or even a legal one (a lot of restaurants worry about this more than anything). That's why I am sure to put in the extent of my allergy and my fear of cross-contamination (low). Crap is going to get into my food, I know this and just need to mitigate the risk. I won't die in the restaurant. I won't hold them to some super-high standard. I just want to know what is safe and create some awareness. Point me in the right direction!

In the two places I could do this with, both got back to me pretty quickly with suggestions and tagged me in that party so someone could come talk to me. I actually hate when someone comes to talk to me about this - but I also hate pink and facilitating conference calls.

So far, the best place EVER was Paramour - they actually created their daily special around the foods I could eat. WHAT?! I could order "the special" and. . .man, that was awesome. Even to think, the chef actually created a dish for me. I had a chef created a dish for me. And. It. Was. AWESOME. I felt like a normal person - sitting there saying, "I'll have the special, thanks!" What a joy. And the food was super good.

At White Dog, they sent me a special allergy menu (WHAT? Awesome!) which listed some things. The problem here is I don't do the trendy, "Mm, no gluten, please." I have a lot more to avoid.

And the person who replied to my email gave me some tips and pointers. She also suggested I just order some plain grilled chicken. The only issue she saw was pepper. Even at these "organic" and "Wholesome" restaurants, they get their food pre-seasoned and packaged.

They can't prevent that or what goes into their food.

Did you know that? Yeah. I did. I learned it the hard way. Things are prepackaged for cost and efficiency - the chef isn't back there (normally) with all desperate and raw ingredients.

My husbands favorite place, The Keg, had someone come out and talk to me and let me know they would remove the grill base or something from my food. It was one of those "prepackage" deal things I wouldn't have known about. It was super awesome, and I appreciated the attitude of the lady who talked to me and reassured me I wasn't a pain. The two Old Fashions I had also helped.

Conclusions
I don't like to eat out. When I do, I have to plan to have some eating-rest days to give my system some time to recover. I easily can see the bloating when I eat some of the stuff I can't have - and it only gets worse after that.

So, take aways - if you have different, special or whatever needs, just let the restaurant know. Play it safe, don't assume.

Sad News

My message bag broke only one month before it turned one year old. I love this bag. Loved this bag? No. Love this bag. It was even a birthday present.

I am sad.

I will try to repair it.

I know all of your thoughts and prayers are with me during this difficult time.

Party of Awk-ward

I had another eating. . .thing.

My hubs and I were invited to a party – I suppose some of my food issues had been made known since I was asked if I could eat stuff. I mean, everything was so sweetly done. Come to our house! Come have fun! Come eat! Drink! Family! Yes!

As much as I stand on the platform of, "I hate fun" I actually do enjoy myself a spirited get together. And booze. Anyhow, what could be better for someone than a party?!

Oh right. . . I'm the odd chick who doesn't eat food. The odd woman who is just odd, eating food she can't be happy eating - veggies and fruits. Who knows what's really wrong with her - psychology.

Here are a couple things I learned about myself – or have farther proof about.

I’m Incredibly Awkward
When a glass of homemade sangria was placed in front of me. You know, nice red wine with lovely bits of fruit floating around. It's the ultimate summer drink. Ultimate pool party summer drink. I love sangria. All around, compliments were flying about the sangria.

I totally had to look around to assess the situation. Danger lurks at every turn! I can't drink wine or anything fermented (you know, beer) because yeast is used and I cannot have yeast. Wine is one of the big no-nos. Beer is like a double no-no, by the way.

What is going through my head? If I refuse, the host will be offended. Or someone will think I am pregnant because I’m not drinking. Ultimately, I drank some (yes, totally felt the pockets of swelling under my ribs) and quickly changed my husband’s empty glass with my full glass.

It was refilled.

@#$%

If I said, "I can't drink wine" I would be offered beer.

Then I would say, "I can drink beer, but, I'm really ok with water." Then I would be offered ice tea. Well, I don't actually really like ice tea. . .but, then I feel forced to choke it down because water is not acceptable to drink and be happy with.

Maybe I would be offered vodka - but I should only have vodka that is not wheat based. Haha. AWKWARD DEMANDS!

To the outside world, I can't be happy drinking water. I was so happy drinking water. Of course, it was the tiny bottles of water, so, I had quite a collection in about 2 seconds.

And I felt mortified.

I Do This to Myself
When dinner was served – in the sexy buffet style of joy –  Let me just back up a bit - there was BBQ chicken, BBQ ribs, sausage skewers, corn, Spanish style rice - who knows what else! It smelled awesome. I looked awesome. BBQ ribs - and anything BBQ was always a favorite.

But condiments have yeast and pepper and canola oil and tons of things I cannot eat. I had to say goodbye to this way of eating three years ago.

One of the hosts was standing there and must have known some of my issues because it was asked, “You can eat things right? You like rice? And chicken?”

I laughed and said, “Yes!”

Meaning – Nope. And even if I think I might, I am not putting one bit if this food loving made in the scorching heat as a sign of love and family into my mouth. I'm not doing it. I'm already on medication for my adrenals which will impact my digestion, adding these foods to it will result in months of agony.

“Did you have enough to eat?”

“Of course! I’m stuffed. Yes!” By the way, this was not a lie. I was in front of the strawberries and ate a lot of them, almost all of them. And, yes, I also felt bad because I wasn't leaving enough for other people. I also committed a sin and ate some tortia chips. Even "corn chips" can be made with wheat, which I cannot have.

And. .ultimately. . what I did was teach the world around me that wants me to eat their food everything was ok for me to eat when it wasn't because I don't know how to speak for myself in these situations. My nerves take over, my fears, my insecurities, my doubts.

I Need Practice
I need some type of workshop session with someone smarter than me to help me come up with polite and eloquent ways to refuse food and drink without looking like I’m pregnant, have an eating disorder, am rude or am high-maintenance.

I want it not to be a completion either. People who do know my sensitivities frequently will shove something at me telling me to try it, eat it. . .I can eat it! It feels like my dietary restrictions are a game – but the only who pays for someone’s misstep is me.

I don’t know what is being thrown at me. I don’t want it. I don’t want to eat food when I don’t know what’s in it.

And you all – yeah, ya’ll – don’t even know what you put in your food. Broth has yeast, wine has yeast, combined seasoning has pepper. Yogurt is dairy. Hummus is beans. Even when people think they know - they don't know.

It has taken me three years to understand this situation my body is in – why do you think you can master it in one meal? And why would I ever trust you?

To this day, I never speak of the 15 years I lost to illness. While I grapple with these effects, they seems less "real" because almost half of my life has been treated like a dark secret. No one wants to hear about it, few people ever believed it - and I was told not to talk about it or else those treatment me might come under legal action.

I need some way of being able to confidently talk about it and understand if people don't believe me - or think I am rude - I have to look out for myself or I will do serious long-term damage to myself that I have to deal with.

And how do I come off talking about it and not sounding crazy or aggressive or mean or. . .you know. .mean.

I prefer not to eat foods I cannot identify or did not buy and make on my own. Unless they are raw fruits and veggies.

Gone Fishin'

I'm on vacation.

Peace out, Internet.

Things I Eat: Sesame Peanut Soba Noodles

Soba noodle experiment! I thought I could be all cool like those people who post delicious looking soba noodle dishes on the Internet with things like “sweet chili peanut soba noodles” and whatever. Look at how artful and delicious these dishes look!

Anytime a thought begins with “I could be cool if. . .” I should just stop.

But do I? No.

I thought I would do a sweet peanut sesame things with bell peppers. Yeah!

Soba Noodles
Soba noodles are noodles made from buckwheat and sometimes buckwheat and wheat - the word "soba" is Japanese for buckwheat. They are more efficient and probably correct in their naming of things. They are nutty and often used in Asian dishes. Buckwheat is not actually wheat - it's a fruit - so it's gluten free and, well, vegan and all that. While I love my rice noodles, I like to keep my diet diverse as possible.

As a warning, soba noodles can be expensive and if you are avoiding wheat, make sure to check to make sure they don't have wheat flour. Just look for what brand is more expensive because buckwheat flour is hard to make into noodles. Paying for labor - probably worth it.

If you never had buckwheat – by the way. It does have a distinctive taste. It’s very healthy but it’s a very unique taste. To me, it reminds me of pancakes. To other people, it reminds them of ear wax infections. I’m just saying. It’s like sushi or coffee – it can be an acquired taste. I suggest trying a mix of buckwheat and wheat your first time around – the color is less horrifying and the taste is more mild. Like coffee, sushi and other items, it can be an acquired taste.

What You Need

• Soba Noodles: I got the 100% buckwheat type made by Eden Foods
• 1 red pepper: I like crunch
• 1 yellow pepper: The lighter the pepper is sweeter
• 2 heaping tablespoons honey-peanut butter: I got this from Whole Foods, it's made fresh there so no dairy. I later remembers I do react to peanut, but...maybe not that much?
• Scallion: Green onions, spring onions - whatever you call it.
• Onions: My go-to is always the sweet yellow
• Sesame oil: Yum!
• Garlic oil: Double yum!
• Olive oil: For cooking

I was going to put some jicama in it, but, then I realized I didn't have room in my skillet. And, really. . .I prefer make fries out of it.

What You Do
Make the noodles per the package. They tend to cook faster than Italian noodles. Mine took 8 minutes after the water was boiling.

Chop up your veggies. I liked mine in strips. I’m a fan of stripes. I’m sure you could have cubed or done whatever. Then I sautéed the mess in my pan with some olive oil until they were tender – sometimes I do this by turning on a low heat and covering it.

In a separate bowl, I added two heaping tablespoons of my honey-peanut butter, about 1 tablespoon sesame oil and a drizzle of garlic oil. I also added a little water for mixing purposes. Feel free to taste your mixture to see if you like it and add more of whatever you want.

I added the peanut butter mixture while the pan was on low heat and mixed it in there just to warm it up and coat everything. I even threw in some scallions – when they have been cooked a little, they are a little more forgiving.

When it’s all done – you mix it together. I won’t lie, it is super hard to make this look good. But it did taste good. The noodles are that grayish color and the peppers look a little like tentacles.

It was good – just. . .sort of creepy looking no matter what I did. Below, I mixed it all up really good.

Here is the soba noodles on top of the peppers -

Creepy.

Nail(ed) To the Couch: Black

I'm back on the couch after the Boob Ride over-doing it. And July being. . .just. . .let's not talk about it.

I have been wanting to try to use darker colors on my nails because they always look so good on my BFF. But, not me. So, I went REALLY dark and got Licorice by Essie which is jet black. Or. . .I mean. .I said it was like blue black. But, it's black. BLACK.

I decided I would use my Summit of Style nail effects (also by Essie) on an accent nail - then just did it on every nail. I like how it can be as intense or light as you want it. Sort of made me think of stars in the sky. I actually like the black, especially on my tiny broken nail.

I'm just SO trendy and awesome.

Emergency Foster Babies!

Even though I don't normally foster kittens in the summer - or cats, but, less cats since Lucky only really likes kittens - there was an emergency call with so many regular fosters going on vacation.

I ended up with three Siamese kittens and three tabby kittens. And hilarity ensued. Sure, the husband might have had a slight meltdown, but, he doesn't come from an animal type background of any kind, so, it can be overwhelming. I was just glad none of these kits got put down. 

Other than I had six kittens and six names and had no idea who was who.

After getting them scanned and vaccinated in two batches - the two Siamese kittens went pretty fast. 

One of the tabbies named Sneakers went really fast.

The lynx point Siamese kitten went to the store - where I assumed she would be adopted really fast - but she ended p getting more lethargic and sick. She was taken to someone with better kitten skills and has been doing better. Once she is cleared, she will probably get into a home right away.

Because we had an wild outbreak of ringworm (check out my Fun With Ringworm post) I ended up getting two of the kittens back. Their names are Love Bug and Socks - but I call them Fabrizio and Tuffs. Once they are done a round of treatment, they will be ready for a furever home!

In fact, Tuffs, who didn't have ringworm on him, might even be going home sooner. 

Let's all hear it for my husband who has endured this madness against his better judgement.